


A Lot like Love

by dreams_in_andalasia



Category: Actor RPF, American (US) Actor RPF, Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Real Person Fiction, Sebastian Stan - Fandom, Sebastian Stan Fandom
Genre: 90s Playlist, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Childhood Friends, Cuddling, Dirty Talk, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Kissing, Light Angst, NSFW, Pining, Rough Sex, Sebastian gifs, Slow Burn, Smut, Wall Sex, cursing, gifs, nsfw gifs, oh so much pining, too much cuddling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2020-10-27 02:41:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20752991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreams_in_andalasia/pseuds/dreams_in_andalasia
Summary: You and Sebastian have been best friends since college but you now live halfway around the world. One of the things he looks forward to is your yearly visits and spending time with you. This is a story of discovering love buried beneath decades of friendship, obvious to everyone except you and Sebastian.Because when too much history clouds judgement, sometimes exploring it can make two blind people realize that what they've always had was a lot like love. :)***[I updated my summary. This might still be terrible but I think it's a little less terrible than the last :P]





	1. Time after Time

**Author's Note:**

> God I suck at summaries so forgive me for the very cheesy summary. I'm just happy you gave this a shot. 
> 
> Sooo please don't nag me because I know I've got 2 Tom Hiddleston fics hanging. I'm working on the updates for those soon.
> 
> But Seb is my current muse and I just can't get him out of my head. I have also drowned in a ton of Seb/Reader & Bucky/Reader fics so I'm trying my hand at it. 
> 
> My goal is to make this fic shorter than the Tom ones so I can finish it and I've gotten this story all mapped out. I just want every update to be 'full' you know? So I'm hoping I don't get a writer's block somewhere. 
> 
> ANYWAY enough said... Here it is and let me know what you think!
> 
> P.S.- I've also accepted that typos will always be in my stories and so hoping you understand!

The smell of coconuts and vanilla filled Sebastian’s senses and had somehow awaken him. He was almost sure he was dreaming but he knew his olfactory senses wouldn’t be so keen in a dream.

He scrunched up his brows, still not able to open his eyes as his head started to pound heavily from the hangover that overcame him. It seemed to have sensed he was awake and it was now attacking him relentlessly.

Before he could let out a painful groan, Sebastian felt a soft hand soothing the lines that had formed in his forehead. He relaxed before he realized that he was unaware whose hand was on his face. Did he get home last night? He was very sure he did. Quite sure. Okay, maybe not totally sure.

His eyes snapped open, your face coming into view as his blurry vision cleared and relief washed over him. The smell made sense now as well.

“Hey stranger.” You spoke softly as he found you laying down on your side, beside him

Sebastian’s face broke into a lazy beaming smile, before taking your hand that was cupping his face and kissed the back of it gently.

“Hi."

His happiness was double-fold. One was that he did not end up taking home some nameless girl and another was seeing you, his bestfriend, as a welcomed surprise. He immediately shifted his body close to yours, burying his head in between your neck.

“You look like shit.” You commented, not sparing his feelings this morning

“I feel like shit.” He mumbled against your skin

You chuckled as you rubbed his head soothingly, “That’s what you get for drinking the entire bar.”

Pushing him back and tapping his chest lightly, you sat up and leant back on the headboard. You reached out for the filled glass and aspirin on the bedside table before cradling Sebastian’s head in your hand, putting the pill between his lips. You made him drink the glass of what he initially thought was water.

“Ugh. What is that?”

You smirked, “Pocari sweat.”

“I just drank sweat?”

“It’s a fucking electrolyte drink. Like gatorade. Just drink. It’ll taste better.”

Sebastian drank a bit more and agreed you were right. It tasted better, not great but tolerable, like a watered down lemonade.

He cleared his throat and turned his head to you once more. He realized that you were fully dressed in your what could be called your usual airport get up, loose white and yellow halter midi dress and leather jacket on. His eyes popped open before groaning out loud as he rubbed his face.

“Did you just fly in?”

“Yup.” The ‘p’ popping from your lips

“Why didn’t you call me? I would have met you at the airport.”

“I’ve been calling you since I landed dipshit. Wanted it to be a surprise but gave up an hour after you weren’t picking up. Took a cab and called Ma, she gave me her spare key.”

Sebastian smirked softly at hearing you call his mom, Ma. He never had any siblings and neither did you so it always warmed his heart to share his mom with you, even if he was in the middle of dying from a hangover.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t pick you up. I’m a mess.” He turned to you once again, overcame with guilt

On any other day, you would have been pissed at him and would have given him a piece of your mind. But today, you knew he needed you and when he said he was a mess, he wasn’t kidding so instead you chuckled, “I know. Why do you think I’m here?”

He gave you a soft, grateful smile.

You decided it was time to get on with the day and get Sebastian on his feet, “Come on, get up. Shower while I make you breakfast.”

Sebastian walked out of his room feeling more refreshed after the hot shower he took. The smell of food welcomed him when he entered the kitchen and saw you’ve removed your jacket as you busied yourself with cooking. He took a seat in one of the high chairs by the kitchen island as he watched you placed a plate of savory crepe filled eggs, ham and cheese and side of hash brown in front of him. He snickered lightly, only you can make a crepe in 30 minutes.

“Eat up.” You commanded, it was tone that did not have any room for objections and frankly, Sebastian wasn’t going to. His stomach grumbled as soon as the food was in his reach

With a mouthful, Sebastian moaned while chewing, “Shoo fwuckwing mgood.”

He was halfway finished with his plate before you even got started on your own.

You raised an eyebrow and shook you head lightly at his glutinous state as you started to eat, “I’ve left you another crepe in the pan.”

Sebastian stood up to get the other filled crepe already, before kissing your temple, “Thank you. Lifesaver.”

You rolled your eyes and replied sarcastically, “I live to serve.”

He smiled realizing how much he missed your sarcasm.

After watching Sebastian down the fresh orange juice and burping from the breakfast he insisted he so adamantly enjoyed, you moved your crossed arms forward, resting it on the kitchen island.

“Ready to talk?”

He grunted in disinterest. He knew this was coming. Your surprise visits were usually so ‘timely’. There was no use hiding it from you.

“What’s to say that you already don’t know?”

You never did like beating around the bush and this time was no exceptions, “I thought Margo was the one?”

“Yeah well, apparently not.”

You sighed. It was always like this. You had to coax it out of him every damn time. Each break up building up his wall back up and in which you had to patiently tear down so he could be ready to face the world again.

“Come on, Seb. Tell me what really happened.”

“I’m sure Chace already told you. Wasn’t he the one who told on me?”

Chace. One of his closest friends and sometimes the bane of his existence who couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He was ALWAYS the culprit in calling you.

“Yeah and we’re not ashamed of it. He was worried you were headed for another downward spiral.”

Sebastian huffed and shook his head, “Drama king.”

“Well, he isn’t the one drowning himself in alcohol.”

“I’m fine.” Sebastian insisted, emphasizing a tad to much on the ‘n’

You raised an eyebrow and shrugged, “Alright then.”

“That’s it? You’re not going to push?”

“You said you’re fine. So okay.”

The initial surprised faded as he eyed you suspiciously, “What’s the catch? Aren’t I too old for this reverse psychology crap?”

You nonchalantly grabbed the plates and put them in the sink, “You are and I’m too old to pull that crap too. That’s what you pay your therapist for. So this isn’t me manipulating you. It’s just me genuinely letting you be. I’m not gonna stay where I’m not wanted.”

_There it is._ He rolled his eyes and directly looked at you, “Of course I want you here.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

You honestly hate to be around this version of Sebastian but he’s wanted you to be around in the past for it and you always stayed because he always asks.

He knew this, you were never one to push, never someone who try to bulldoze your place.

Sebastian sighed. He hated that your first conversation was an argument. You didn’t sound angry, didn’t even seemed phased but he knew what this conversation was, as per decades of arguments you’ve shared.

“Y/N.”

“Seb.”

He blurted out his next sentences, “It just ended okay? We were getting too busy with each other, neither one of us could give up our careers. We didn’t connect anymore the way we used to when we would see each other. So we decided it was for the best.”

You hummed, knowing it was the same old story. Sebastian’s past relationships all ended on a similar tune.

You said while pouring some coffee in his mug and sipping on your tea after, “Not like you to give up.”

“Well she already did and I’m not gonna stay where I’m not wanted.” Sebastian said bitterly

You sighed heavily. He was right, there was nothing else to push on this topic. How could there be when it’s a story you’ve heard million of times? No matter what the little details were, the end result was the same.

Instead, you gave Sebastian a teasing smile, “Funny, I was just in that exact position a few seconds ago.”

This made Sebastian chuckle because he honestly felt like he can breathe again.

Sebastian watched you clean the dishes in the kitchen, insisting that he relax before both of you catch up some more. God, he missed you. It was a constant feeling that weirdly magnified itself when you are around again. He missed the way you moved around his apartment, the way you smell, the way you cook, and the way you make him feel everything was going to be alright.

For 16 years you’ve been best friends, but now you lived halfway across the world and it seems the only time you could ever fly to see him was when his life was falling apart. You didn’t seem surprised when he told you how be broke up with Margo. You already knew, sometimes even before he himself did. It was eerily similar to the reason you gave when you moved away.

His mind flashed back to the day you told him you decided to leave. Your parents had passed away a year and half before and he’d done everything to make sure you never felt alone. However, it seems that was not enough to keep you from going.

After clearing up the kitchen, you went to sit back at the couch with Sebastian, head thrown back and eyes closed. He just watched you silently.

“How long are you going to be in New York for this time?”

You smiled cheekily, “How long will it take to have you painting the town red again?”

“Unfortunately, too quick when you’re around.” Sebastian smiled sadly as he rubbed your forehead

You hummed.

“Did you get some sleep on the plane?”

You nodded but still kept your eyes closed. He knew you could sleep anywhere. It was like your superpower. But he also knew how plane rides made you extremely tired.

Sebastian smirked before he tugged on your arm, forcing you to stand and pulling you towards the bedroom.

You whined at him, “I’m good here. I just need a nap.”

“I know but the couch isn’t big enough for both of us to nap in.”

Although you truly cherished it, you still rolled your eyes at Sebastian’s clinginess.

You laid down sideways on the bed, Sebastian doing the same as he faced you. His free hand coming up to wrap around your waist and pull you closer again. You buried your face in his chest. His scent filling your senses and relaxing you.

“You get thinner every time you come home.” Sebastian spoke softly, arms tightening around you

“Ha, I’m the same weight as the last time you saw me. You just miss all the baby fat I used to have.”

He always commented on how much weight you’ve lost since moving overseas. You knew it wasn’t a physical judgement, but more of losing familiarity and you never took it to heart.

“They made for the best cuddling.”

“Don’t worry, they’re still there.”

“Will just have Ma stuff you up then.”

You laugh sleepily. Ma already did say that when you picked up the keys.

“You’re the one to talk. You’re all muscles and abs now.” Your hands rubbed his abs through his shirt

“The world isn’t criticizing your every move.”

“Yeah well fuck ‘em. I’m not flying over here next time to hug a goddamn rock.”

It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep while Sebastian watched you, moving aside the strands of hair that occasionally fell on your face. He observed the freckles that spread along your nose and cheeks, your skin much more golden which he knows was from spending your days under the sun. It always surprised him how you were able to make turn his days upside down when you come for your surprise visits.

Just 24 hours ago, he was truly unsure when he would feel like himself again, moping for Margo, then suddenly you were here and he couldn’t remember what it felt like being heartbroken.

Sebastian smiled to himself then sighed, remembering you were only around temporarily. He closed his eyes, willed himself to not overthink and only enjoy your presence in the meantime. For now, it would be okay, he repeated in his mind. For now, all is right because you were back with him.

_"If you're lost, you can look and you will find me_  
_Time after time_  
_If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting_  
_Time after time"_


	2. Separate Lives

_7 Years Ago_

You’d been thinking about it for a while and tonight you decided it was time to tell Sebastian of your plans. You were drinking at your place and watching a movie, a Sunday routine when his schedule permitted. You were more quiet than usual and he was starting to take notice.

Sebastian took the remote and paused the film.

“Alright, what’s up?” He looked at you, an eyebrow raised

“Nothing’s up.” You lied, your thumb playing with the mouth of the beer bottle you were holding

“Bullshit. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

There was really no use trying to hide it. This man knew you inside and out.

You took a swig at your beer and breathed in deeply, “Okay... You remember before my parents passed that they bought a land in one of the islands in the Philippines? They said they wanted to make it into a resort or something.”

Sebastian nodded earnestly, urging you to go on.

You bit your lower lip, careful in your response, “Well, I’m thinking of picking up their plans.” 

Sebastian’s face beamed, a wide smile breaking, “That sounds wonderful Y/N. They’d be really proud of you for doing so.”

He knew how well off your family was and when your parents had passed in the last year and a half, they had left you, their only daughter and sole heir, with more more money you would ever need. You never touched it though, not only because you never had to but the idea of them being gone was too painful for you to even think of using it. Sebastian knew this and to hear that you were going to do something big with what they’ve left you was a sign that you were moving on. He was truly happy with this news.

You realized that Sebastian didn’t fully comprehend what you were trying to say and so you decided to be more straightforward.

“I don’t think you understand..."

He stayed quiet.

"I’m moving to the Philippines to take this project on.”

This made his mouth gape open, “Wh—what do you mean?”

“What did you think I meant when I said I was picking it up?”

He sat up straight, “I thought you were thinking of discussing with a developer or a contractor or whatever. I didn’t think that you would actually move.”

Panic was rising within him. You could feel his anxiety growing.

You spoke slowly and softly, “Seb... I don’t have anything here anymore and—“

He struggled to find the words as he stared at you in disbelief, “Don’t have anything? What about me? What about Ma? Are we just that easy to leave behind?!”

You eyed at him, pained by his accusations, “You know that’s not what I meant.”

“That’s what it sounded!” He was inconsolable, fuming as he stood up from the couch and started pacing

“Stop it! You know this is harder for me than it is for you.”

“Yeah well, it sure doesn’t feel like you had a hard time deciding.” He spat out, hurt laced his voice and refusing to look at you

You watched him stalk towards the kitchen, pacing for a few seconds and mumbling incoherently before he returned to stand in front of you, huffing, “How long have you been thinking about this?”

You kept your eyes on him, “For a while.”

“How long?”

“Maybe 6 months.”

“And not once did you ever bring it up. That just makes me feel real fucking special, Y/N.”

You snapped at him, “You would have talked me out of it!”

“Of course I would. I don’t want to think of you alone on the other side of the world, fending for yourself.”

“Jesus Christ Sebastian, I’m fucking 26 years old. I’m not a child. I’ve lived alone, traveled and have been even able to backpack across South America on my own for 5 months!” You started to get angry at how this conversation was turning

“This is not the same!” His arms thrown up in the air as he stared at you bewildered

“How? Tell me how is this any different?!”

“Because you’re not coming back to me this time!”

You paused, anger slowly dissipating as realization sunk in. It made sense. This was not about you, it was about him. You suddenly understood that he was not angry, he was scared—scared of losing you.

Calming yourself, you stood up and grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to sit. He kept his gaze away, eyebrow scrunched in anger. You leant your forehead on his left shoulder and closed your eyes.

Breathing deeply, you started talking again, “Sebastian...”

“Why are you doing this? I thought it was going to be okay. I know it’s been hard, but I’ve been here for you haven’t I?” 

Self-blame. You anticipated this. You knew he was going to somehow blame himself for this decision. It was Sebastian’s destructive cycle, a cycle you always had to break.

“Stop it. This is not about you, Seb. This is about me.”

His voice cracked as he replied, “Then, why does it feel like I’m the one being punished?”

You took his face in your hands and spoke sternly, “You don’t get to do this to me Sebastian Stan. You don’t get to guilt me into staying here.”

Tears started forming in his eyes as you continued, “Listen to me. You have a life here. Your talent in acting is going to bring you to places and this is where you should be. You have family and friends that you belong with here.”

He finally spoke up, “We’re family, Y/N. You also have friends here. A job here.”

“I do and I love everyone around me. But... when my parents died, it just doesn’t feel like home anymore. I’m not happy with where my life is going. I need a purpose in my life the way you do. I can’t just cling on to you and an adequate life here just because it’s comfortable.”

Sebastian stayed quiet as his left thumb rubbed his knuckles. He did this when he was frustrated or trying to hold his emotions in.

You always said you wanted to do something you cared about, he thought maybe you’d put up a business of some sort but this—this was far from what he’s imagined.

You put your hand over his and continued to explain, “I’m not cut out for this city life. I always told you that.”

Without warning, Sebastian pulled away for you, stood up and proceeded to get his coat.

"Where are you going?' You asked, surprised by his action

Putting on his coat and striding quickly to the door, he simply muttered, "I can't be around you right now. I have to go" 

It was 3 days before you heard from Sebastian again. 3 days of avoided calls and text messages. You were almost sure he was done being friends with you but you figured it was best to wait it out. Push comes to shove, you’d have to ask Ma for help. You wish you didn’t have to because you didn’t appreciate the lecture, but she knew best how to handle Sebastian. 

The incessant ringing of the doorbell woke you up at 2AM. You glanced at the bedside clock, disorientated and confused, before utter annoyance overcame you. 

You strode to the door knowing there was only one man who would do this, and you didn’t even have to check the peephole to know who it was. You did it anyway, just to make sure your anger was well-directed.

Swinging the door open, you spoke in a harsh hushed tone, “What the fuck Seb?”

You checked the hallway quickly to make sure no neighbor was disturbed by the ruckus before pulling him inside your apartment.

Closing the door, you turned around to find him standing in front of you with a blank face. It almost scared you. He reeked of alcohol and although it was not unusual for shitfaced Seb to end up on your doorstep, his seriousness kept you on thin ice. 

Still silent, he immediately cupped your face with his right hand and pressed his forehead against yours.

You asked with a voice full of worry, “Seb, are you okay?”

With eyes closed and his thumb caressing your cheek, he softly begged, “Please don’t leave me, Y/N. Please.” 

Your brows furrowed in concern as you held his hand on your face, “Let me clean you up and then we’ll talk.”

He shook his head and whine, “No, stay with me. Please. Say you'll stay. Don't ever leave.”

It was heartbreaking to hear Sebastian plead this way, more so that it was directed towards you. His other hand drifted from your jaw down to your waist, to keep you in place as he buried his face in your neck. You felt wetness on your skin and realized Sebastian was crying as his shoulder trembled. All you could do was let him get it out of his system.

You sighed, hugging him and letting him relax in your arms. You slowly directed both your bodies to the couch without breaking contact. Despite stumbling a bit, you succeeded in settling on the couch.

Feeling him go slack and thinking he finally fell asleep, you manage to free yourself from his hold, slowly heading to the kitchen. You were only able to take a few steps before Sebastian’s arms grabbed your waist once more and pulled you on his lap, arms around you, your back against his chest. He kept you there, his face was buried at the nook of your neck one again.

You could feel his breath fanning the back of your ear, making your heart skip a beat. It was such an intimate position and although you and Sebastian had cuddled countless times before, you can’t help but feel it was different this time.

“Just stay here. In my arms.” He whispered

You swallowed hard, “I’m here.”

“Here.” 

Your body was stiff and perhaps Sebastian was too drunk to notice, so you only hope he eventually drift off so you can lay him down. 

What you didn’t anticipate was his hands slowly moving over your stomach as his lips lightly brushed the shell of your ear. Your breath hitched at his action.

“What are you doing Seb?” 

He shushed you before kissing the spot between the back of your ear and neck a few times. You feel him harden beneath against your ass as his hold on you tighten.

“What will I do without you?” He asked huskily

Swallowing hard, your voice hoarse as well, “You’re drunk. Please, let me talk care of you, Sebastian.”

“I need you, Y/N.” he insisted, ignoring your plea

You felt his fingers play with the hem of your camisole before sliding slowly sliding it underneath, his touch giving you goosebumps. Your eyes closed at the feeling but not before you gasped at what was happening. 

Quickly pushing yourself off Sebastian, you spoke in a firm tone, “Stop it Sebastian. What are you doing? You’re with Leighton. You’re drunk. It’s me, Y/N, your bestfriend.”

You weren’t sure if the last sentence was only meant for him because it felt like a reminder to yourself as well. 

He looked at you, eyes heavy, from being drunk and your scent. 

You had to control the situation. You had to be the sane one. Your were not that kind of friends and this night had to be put an end, before it got out of hand.

You took his face in his hand and spoke in a commanding tone, “Come on. Get some rest. We’ll talk more in the morning.”

Sebastian pressed his lips in a firm line and nodded reluctantly, which relieved you. You put his arm around your shoulders while wrapping yours around his waist as you assisted him to one of the spare bedrooms. 

There was no more conversation to be had as soon as Sebastian’s head hit the pillow. He sighed at the feeling, losing himself to sleep with your scent lulling him to sleep.

You felt the bed dip on your right side and arm pull you towards a warm body. Turning around, you stared at Sebastian quietly. 

"I'm sorry." he whispered

You weren't sure for which part he was sorry for, but you only assumed it was for the entire episode last night

"It's okay." You assured, not pressing

"I really am." 

"So am I." 

“You’re my bestfriend. The idea of losing you...”

“You're not losing me."

"Of course I am, with you so far away, it happens eventually right?"

You couldn't answer because you know people drift apart in this situations but you didn't want to think about that. You can't because despite staying the strong one, it pained you to even imagine that you would no longer be in each other's lives.

Sebastian spoke up, voice rough from last night probably, “I thought about it and..."

You can see the wheels spinning in his head. You probably wouldn't like what he was about to suggest.

With hopeful eyes, he asks, "What if—what if I go with you? You know to help you start your life there. It’s going to be hard for you and I want to make sure you’re going to be okay.”

You looked at him with a sad smile. It was a wonderful thought, but you also saw through this suggestion.

“But you have a career here—“

“I’ll take a sabbatical. A gap year.” He quickly said

"And Leighton? Your Ma? You can't seriously be considering this."

"I am. They'll understand."

He was delusional. High on his suggestion to even thoroughly think about what he was saying. 

Before he pressed further, you whispered, “Please Sebastian... I have to do this on my own.”

He loathed how you would start your sentences his full first name. It was your way of emphasizing a point.

“You don’t have to. I’m telling you, I want to be with you there.”

“Stop it. Stop.” You didn’t want him entertaining this trail of thought, you couldn’t because you didn’t want to hope as well

That was when he understood, he knew there was no more fighting on this. You had made a choice, and like him, there was no changing it.

You bit you lower lip and soon it was your turn to plead, “Let me go, Seb. Please. I need you to let me know it's okay. Because..." You paused, "I can’t do this if I have to give you up.”

His lip trembled in emotion and just when you thought, it was going to be another blown up argument, he had pulled you tighter in his arms and kissed your forehead. There it was–-his way of giving you permission, of letting you go.

He sighed in resignation, “You’re so fucking stubborn. You know that that I would tie and lock you up here if that meant I could keep you but you’d be no fun then.”

You chuckled sadly as you hugged him back, burying your head in his chest, “Sheesh, save your kinky play for Leighton.”

You felt his thumb run down your spine slowly as he said in a low voice, “I love you, you know that right?”

And for a moment you can almost assume, it mean more than the usual way he said it.

“I know. And I, you.”

“I know. I know.” 

* * *

_PRESENT_

It was already late afternoon you roused from your sleep. You opened your eyes slowly to find Sebastian staring at you with a lazy smile. You noticed he started doing on your annual visits, mentioning in the beginning that he always can’t believe you’re around again.

“‘Sup sleepyhead?

You stretched freely before speaking, “What time is it?”

“About 5PM, I think”

“Ugh. I slept all day. Why didn’t you wake me up?”

Sebastian shrugged coyly.

You sat up, checking your phone by the bedside before as Sebastian snuggled closer to you, his head on your stomach.

An outsider can easily assume the intimacy between the two of you to be romantic but this was Sebastian and you’ve always known to never read more into his actions. He has always been affectionate and you would have never lasted this long as best friends if you did.

You had a couple of messages from the staff from the resort and one from Chace telling you to get yours and Seb’s asses out of his apartment.

“We should go out, Chace texted me.”

Sebastian shook his head, “Jesus. Can’t he just give us one day?”

“I’ll have you know that I’m very in-demand these days.” You laughed

“I’m gonna have talk to him about getting his own bestfriend.”

“I can be his too? Who said there has to be a limit?” You teased

“But... I should be you BEST bestfriend, right?” He pouted jokingly

“You’re ridiculous, you know that right?”

You looked around for a bit, realizing that you needed a shower and to change before you guys went out.

Prying Sebastian gently off, you went to grab your jacked and started to put it on.

Sebastian frowned at your action, forehead creasing in displeasure.

“Where are you going?”

“I have to get back to my hotel, get ready for tonight.”

“Why are you staying at a hotel?” He obviously did not like the idea

He had a perfectly good spare bedroom.

Wondering why you had to explain this, you sighed, “Because you weren’t picking up and I wasn’t about to drag my suitcase on the Upper East Side.”

“Let’s get your things and check you out of there. You’re staying with me.”

“Seb. I just checked-in. I don’t want to waste 500 dollars.” You rolled your eyes

“I’ll take care of it.” He said flatly as he went to his closet to grab his jacket this time

“Jesus. It’s just one night. You’ll survive.” You chuckled while checking you around to make sure you didn’t leave anything behind

“Hey. Look at me.” Sebastian commanded lightly, making you turn raise a brow at him

“This isn’t up for discussion.” He added firmly before walking out the room, the sound of keys rattling

You puffed out loud. It was fruitless to fight with him on this. You knew how this worked every time you would come for a visit. Sebastian demanded to be around you as much as he can and it became worse after a break up. He would cling to you like a wounded puppy until he’s ready to go out and play again. He liked to lick his wounds around you and it was your unspoken duty to create a space he felt most comfortable to recover.

Snapping you out of your thoughts, you heard Sebastian’s voice shouting, “I don’t have all day!”

You shook your head, grabbed your bag and headed out of the room as well, “Hold your fucking low rise jeans, I’m coming!”

The guy always does wear ridiculously low waist pants.

_"You have no right to ask me how I feel_  
_You have no right to speak to me so kind_  
_I can't go on just holding on to times_  
_Now that we're living separate lives"_

(EXHIBIT A OF SEB ALWAYS WEARING LOW PANTS)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You will probably notice a lot of my scenes are in them cuddling in bed, but I do find these kinds of moments so vulnerable and I truly love the idea. So I hope you just enjoy it as much as I do!
> 
> I didn't really expect comments on my first chapter, but I really appreciated it. Hope I can read more of what you guys think!


	3. The Jealous Kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your lovely comments. They all make me smile! I'm glad you are enjoying this story as much as I'm writing it. I feel like my chapters are become longer and longer but I hope you enjoy it all the same. I look forward to hearing what you guys think! <3 <3 <3

You and Sebastian entered a bar called “Threes Brewing” few hours later. With the amount of bickering between both of you, it was fairly impressive at how you both even succeeded in getting you settled in his spare bedroom and ready for a night out.

The place was starting to get packed by the time you had arrived. Sebastian’s friends, Chace and Will, were already there. They were great guys and you’ve known them for a while before you left, knowing Sebastian was in good hands. Next to Seb, you were particularly close to Chace.

“About time!” Chace threw his hands up in exaggeration

“We’re NOT that late.” You rolled your eyes, as you gave Chace a kiss on the cheek and proceeded to do the same to Will.

“Heyyy you’re back in town!” Will cheered

“At least that’s a bit more enthusiastic than how Seb greeted me this morning.” You teased, making Sebastian groan in feigned annoyance

He quickly adds, “Mind you, I was VERY enthusiastic.”

“I’m sure it was hidden under the 100 layers of hangover you had.”

Sebastian rolled his head back exaggeratedly, smirk on his face and poking his tongue out childishly.

“Charming, Seb.”

Soon after sitting, drinks had started flowing as well as the conversation. Chace and Will told you about their latest projects and upcoming ones. Even though they knew they couldn’t tell you everything, they have been pretty good at giving you an idea. You felt excited to learn about it all and had promised to look out for it. They also asked you all kinds of questions about the resort, while Sebastian sat back and listened.

He simply watched you enthusiastically talk about expanding. Despite missing you terribly, he definitely felt sense of pride to see how far you’ve done for yourself, considering you did it all alone in foreign country.

After the topic of work had been covered, the conversation shifted to whether you were seeing anyone, something Sebastian was definitely curious about although he were sure you would have told him if you were. Of course, you didn’t miss the opportunity to throw the question back at both Chace and Will.

“It's been good, being married is finally sinking in with us.” Will said, as he leant back the cushioned booth talking about his new wife, Alisson

"Hey congratulations! I'm so sorry I missed your wedding. It looked really fun." You pouted at Will

"It would have been real fun if you were there." Sebastian smiled

It was these moments that did make you a little sad. Missing special occasions but you knew they understood. All your jobs required time away from loved ones and if this group didn't understand your predicament then you couldn't imagine any group would. 

"I really wished I could have been there." You pouted

"Awww come on. It's fine! Don't be so sad. You should be here for our first baby shower though!" Will assured, rubbing your shoulder and smiling

"Deal! I also call dibs on godmother!" You exclaimed instantly, perking up and turning to Chace, "And how about you, Mr. Lovely Longlash?” You asked using the nickname you gave him since you met

Sebastian took a drink from his beer, quelling the always present envy that he doesn’t even have a nickname despite being your bestfriend.

“Come on, you know I always want to make sure I’m available when you come for a visit.” Chace winked, friendly flirtation was not something new between the two of you

You had always liked Chace. He was sweet, charming and confident. He was also a really great friend who had stepped up at times Sebastian has faltered. It didn’t hurt as well that he easy on the eyes. Not. At. All.

“Well, I shouldn’t waste a waiting opportunity then.” You smiled cheekily

“Get a room you guys.” Will waved

You shook your head, “I don’t know about the room but I’m gonna go get myself another drink, another round for the table yeah?”

“I’ll go with you.” Chace offered

“Can’t say no to a handsome help.” You winked

Sebastian watched the exchange between the two of you. He always knew you and Chace had a thing for each other but had never acted on it, or at least not that he knew of. His jaw clenched involuntarily at the thought while he watched the two of you go into the crowd and towards the bar, Chace’s hands on your waist.

Will looked at Sebastian inquisitively, “You always do this when she’s around.”

Sebastian finally turns him, “Do what?”

“Put on a face like you’re about ready to punch Chace to the ground.”

“What? No. This is just my face. RBF they call it. Resting Bitch Face.” Sebastian motions to his face with his hand

Will hummed knowingly as he took a drink of his beer.

“It's the most baffling thing. I never fucking understood why you guys just don't get together.”

Although Sebastian knew who Will meant, he chose to joke to throw Will off the topic, “I just don’t see Chace that way.”

Will laughed before looking at Sebastian expectantly for a better response

Sebastian sighed, “For the thousand time, it’s not like that with me and Y/N. We’re just bestfriends.”

“Wow. Apparently when you say it enough, you actually believe your own lie.” Will smirked

“Shut up.” Sebastian rolled his eyes before he glanced to the bar where Chace was pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear

How did he look at Chace with you around? It wasn’t the first time this came up. If he was being honest, it had been pointed out by numerous people in his life before but none of those times he bothered to tell you. He never wanted to make things awkward and it wasn’t really that bad. He was certain. Right?

* * *

_*Two Years Ago*_

“I’m not naive, you know?”

Sebastian sighed. Margo had seemed upset after their night out. You had come for your annual NY visit and it was a tradition that he met up with you and some friends, this time bringing Margo along.

“What is it this time?”

He felt like she was having more of this sudden episodes of irritation recently and he was starting to feel exhausted

“They way you look at her.”

“I wasn’t even talking to any other woman tonight except you and Y/N.”

“Fuck Sebastian, who do you think I’m talking about? Of course I’m referring to Y/N.”

“You can’t be serious.” Sebastian headed to the fridge to pour himself a glass of water and cool down

He doesn’t understand where this was coming from. Margo had met you before and he thought you two got along so well in his observation, which made him extremely relieved. He knew a lot of people misunderstood your friendship.

Sebastian thought Margo understood but now it seems he had assumed incorrectly. Despite knowing the backlash he’s about to receive, he raised an eyebrow at Margo. Maybe he was about to get some enlightenment.

“And how do I look at her?” He asked challenging

She huffed as she seemed to struggle for words, “Like... like she’s the goddamned sun.”

Sebastian crossed his arms, leaned forward the kitchen counter, staring continuously at his girlfriend. How can he explain something he wasn’t aware he was doing?

He exhaled exasperatedly, “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“You’re not even going to deny it?”

“I can’t deny anything if I had no damn clue what you fucking mean!” Sebastian threw his hands up in surrender

“You’re in love with Y/N.”

Sebastian hasn’t seen you in a year. Of course he missed you and MAYBE he was looking at you a bit more wistful than usual, it was probably just joy he felt of having you around again. He didn’t think it was too much to ponder over.

He decided to change tactics with the current discussion. He didn’t want a full blown fight right now. It would kill his buzz of you being in town.

With a small smile on his face, Sebastian approached Margo carefully.

Once in front of her, he started rubbing her arms up and down, before he spoke calmly, “Baby. We’re friends—bestfriends and have always been. There’s nothing more between us. What you see is what you get.”

Margo looked at her sharply, “I want you to stop seeing her.”

Sebastian’s face fell suddenly.

_She can’t be serious._

He quickly pasted on a smirk, “C’mon baby, you can’t be serious. She’s my bestfriend and only here for a like a week tops.”

“I’m supposed to be your bestfriend now.” Margo stared at him expectantly

Sebastian chuckled shallowly before pacifying her, “Of course, of course you are. But it’s Y/N. We go way back. There’s really nothing to be jealous of. I promise. I love you and I want to be with you. You should never be thinking otherwise.”

Despite the obvious hesitation, Margo nodded her head before finally giving Sebastian a hug. He was silently relieved that he was able to keep this conversation from going to a downward spiral. Having you around was one of the highlights of his year and he couldn’t imagine having to give it up, more so hating Margo for making him do so.

You looked around and smiled at seeing your friends in the same place once again. You almost felt bad that you would be leaving again but you knew everyone had somehow moved on at this point and that there was nothing significant for you to stay behind anymore. It just always made you tremendously happy about catching up with your friends and finding out they were figuring out their lives.

Kristine, one of your the few friends from college that you managed to keep close, came up and asked, “Why are you leaving so early this time? Don’t you usually stay for like 2 weeks?”

Your trip to New York had been quite shorter than originally intended. Only a week this time compared to the usual 2-3 weeks in other years. There was a time when you even stayed for a month or so, helping Sebastian recover from his Leighton break up.

It saddened you thinking about it. Technically, he’s also the reason why you were leaving so early this time around. He didn’t seem to have much to time to see you in this visit and once you were done with what you needed to do here, there wasn’t much you had to stay around for unless it was just to hang with Seb--that sounded sad once you said it out loud in your head.

You smiled lamely at Kristine, “Things are a busier than anticipated over at the resort so I need to get back.”

“Makes sense. Running a resort must keep you on your toes.”

“It does. Probably that’s why I enjoy it.” You laughed

You did honestly like your life currently and what you were doing. It felt good to have control on where your life was headed.

“Where’s Seb by the way? I haven’t seen him around yet.”

You wondered as well. He wasn’t usually this late but then again this trip was such a total disappointment when it came to your expectations on Sebastian.

“Oh he’s running late with some errands. I’m sure he’s on the way.” You faked a smile since you weren’t really sure

You decided to switch topics by asking Kristine about her recent new job as editor for a online publication. She was more than happy to share while you were content on listening, appreciating that she didn’t push.

You had decided to get a few more drinks in the kitchen, when you felt a pair of hands wrap around your waist from behind. Though a tad surprised, you still smiled to find they belonged to Chace.

“I hope my place has been good enough for you and your friends.” He teased

Since you no longer lived in New York, you technically didn’t have a place for a going away get-together like this with your friends anymore. Usually Sebastian would insist you have it in his place but since he seemed to be too busy for you this time, Chace stepped up to the plate. You initially decided to just skip it as you didn’t want to impose but Chace kept pushing until you agreed.

“Thank you so much for hosting. I really appreciate it. I promise I’ll clean up after.”

He chuckled, moving beside you and leaning on the counter, "And for the nth time, I wouldn't have it any other way." With arms folding across his chest, he spoke, “Seb’s here, by the way. He and Margo just arrived.”

You pressed your lips in tight line before speaking, “Glad they could make it then.”

Chace curiously looked at you, “Did you guys have a fight?”

You sighed, “Not that I know of. But he doesn’t seem to be too eager to be around me in this trip. He’s been busy every time I invited him to a lunch or dinner out.”

Chace looked confused before suggesting, “Maybe it’s Margo?” 

You shrugged in frustration, “Maybe. Who knows. Whatever. Seb is a grown man and I can only hold him accountable for his own actions.”

The blonde actor nodded, reaching out to pull you towards him as he kissed your temple comfortingly. At that very moment, Sebastian chose to enter the kitchen and saw Chace's lips pressed to you.

The feeling akin to cold water being thrown to his face hit him at the sight. 

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt.” He muttered before turning around and walking out quickly

You looked at Chace who simply sighed and shook his head, signalling you to go after him. You apologized before following after him.

Sebastian was angry and he didn’t even know why. He knows he should be happy seeing two of his closest friends finding comfort in each other, but he couldn’t disregard the heavy feeling settling at the pit of his stomach.

He was supposed to head to the bathroom on the second floor, but ended up pausing in front Chace’s spare bedroom. He saw your suitcase and things scattered around around. He entered to check some more, making sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him.

You had been staying with him. The feeling of betrayal bubbling stronger within him.

“Seb?” Your stood at the doorway of the spare room, disrupting his thoughts

“You’ve been staying with him?” He spat back immediately

Your eyebrow scrunch in confusion. Chace has only insisted you stay with him last night so it would be easier to arrange the party and he could bring you to the airport the next day because Sebastian was MIA. You would have explained this but you were taken aback by the venom in Sebastian’s voice.

How dare he speak to you like that? You couldn’t understand what was up with Sebastian in this trip.

With equal rage, you replied quickly, “Yeah well, I didn’t hear you fucking offering.”

“So you jump on the next guy that comes fucking along!”

You walked quickly towards Sebastian, fists so tightly that your nails were digging in the palm of your hand. You wanted to slap him. Knock some sense into him, but decided otherwise.

Speaking through clenched teeth, your voice hoarse, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Sebastian swallowed thickly, harsh breaths coming out of him letting a few seconds of silence take over. The rage simmering between you filling the room with tension.

Taking on your unwavering steely gaze, his eyes soon widened, as if sense was finally flooding back to him. He reigned in the unfamiliar emotions that run amok within him. His anxiety putting him on edge.

His mouth gaped open as he tried to grasp the right words to explain himself. What had he said? Where did it come from?

Pulling you in a tight hug immediately, he shook as he spoke, “Jesus Christ. I’m so sorry.”

You kept your hands on your side, unable to find it in you to let this slide quickly. Tears started blurring your vision.

Sebastian pulled his head back to cup your face, guilt now overtaking his whole body, “I’m so sorry, darling. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Why have you been treating me like this? What did I do to you?” You asked, voice trembling as you replayed the last few days in your head trying to figure out what you had done to deserve this

“You did absolutely nothing. It’s all my fault. Mine alone and I am so sorry. Please don’t cry, baby. Fuck.” He said, wiping the tears from your eyes before they fell

He was a fucking prick and he didn’t deserve you in his life. Apologies repetitively kept flowing out of his mouth as he shushed you, continuously stroking your hair and pressing soft kisses to the top of your head.

You stayed silent, closing your eyes as as he continued to speak, “Margo and I had been having a difficult week. She... It’s been.. hard. I’m sorry I hadn’t spent time with you as much as I wanted. I'm just sorry, Y/N.”

He didn’t think you needed to hear about Margo’s jealousy or how the tension stayed even after the night he thought he handled the situation. You didn’t need to hear how she kept looking at him, daring him to leave when you would text him to go out and the guilt that overtook him every time you would reply that you understood his lame excuse. There was no reason for you to know, at least not in the moment.

“You know I only ever came to here to see you mostly. You didn’t even go to lunch with me and Ma.” You spoke honestly

“I know. I know. I’m such a prick.” He kissed your forehead for the nth time, breathing a sigh of relief as he felt your arms finally go around his waist, resting your head on his chest

“A major one.” You spoke, voice muffled and sniffing 

This made Sebastian chuckle. He pulled his head back to simply look at you, just taking you in. He pushed strands of hair that fell on your face, behind your ear, before caressing your cheek with his thumb. You closed your eyes at the feeling, the privacy in the room allowing the moment. 

It didn’t last long though as they heard Margo’s voice coming up the stairs. You quickly wiped your face making sure you looked better than you actually felt.

You cleared your throat before speaking up, “I guess you better go.” 

Sebastian's chest fell at your encouragement, “You know I wish I didn’t have to.”

“I know..." You paused, straightening your back and putting on a brave face as you continued, "But go on. You need to be there for her more. You said you guys were having a hard time... Difficult days need more patience and she seems like a great girl who loves you. ”

You stepped back reluctantly from the hug, not wanting Margo to see you and Sebastian in any compromising position. 

Sebastian’s chest tightened at your action. He hated when you set boundaries, but both of you had silent understanding that somebody had to step back when one of you started dating. It wasn't the first relationship in which one of you had to do so. It was just your turn in this case.

You started walking backwards, eyes glued on Sebastian as you spoke with a small smile, “I'm glad you came tonight. I love you, you know that right?"

He nods, "And I, you."

"I’ll see you next year, yeah?”

He nodded, “I'll be here. Come back to me, okay?”

“I always do.”

With a wink, you finally turned when you stepped the threshold of the door, leaving Sebastian rooted to his spot.

* * *

Sebastian watched you work your way through the crowd, back to the table, beers in hands and Chace in tow.

You flopped on the seat next to him with a huge smile on your face and beamed, “I got us some dark beers!”

Sebastian just stared at you for a few more second as he watched you excitedly take a sip from your bottle.

“I missed this! Hey—“ Your brows bunched in confusion, “Why aren’t you drinking? Uhh... Why are you looking at me like that?”

He ran his palm his hand over your face as he chuckled and in turn, making you whine about ruining your make-up.

Tipping your face towards his using his thumb and forefinger, Sebastian smiled brightly, “I’m glad you came back.”

His answer confusing you more, “I just got beers. Where else was I gonna go?”

He laughs contentedly, “Absolutely nowhere.”

_"It's just that I'm so afraid_  
_Someone might steal you away, I'd lose my mind_  
_And can't help myself the way I feel sometimes_  
_Yes, I'm the jealous kind"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear they're not always fighting! But I think these are pivotal moments in their friendship. :)
> 
> Next chapter will be lighter! <3


	4. Honey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is going in such a slow burn but I hope to make it all worth it. Also, PLEASE don't hesitate to let me know what you think. I love hearing your thoughts and if you are still enjoying this so far. :)

“So what’s the plan today?” Sebastian asks over breakfast, while eating his bowl of cereal and watching you scribble some things on your iPad

“I’m going to check some furniture for the new villas we’re building. Then see if I can source it somewhere nearer and cheaper because shipping costs are painful.”

“Sounds busy.”

You gave a lopsided smile, “Good busy though.”

“Alright, well I’m going with you.”

“You don’t have to. It’s going to be a lot walking and checking catalogs. Boring things. Go do something fun and we can meet up later.” You insisted

“What are you saying? I’m excited already hearing about all the catalogs we’re going to be browsing!” Sebastian exclaimed with feigned enthusiasm

“Fine. But no complaining you’re hungry all the way!” You threatened, knowing it was falling on deaf ears

You were taking a photo of built in closet and writing down the dimensions when suddenly Sebastian’s voice made you pause.

“Y/N I’m hungry. Are we not headed for lunch yet?”

Placing the tablet inside your bag, you sighed, “Seb... What did I say this morning?”

“Hey, I’ve kept my complaints in the past 3 hours, but it’s half past noon now and I’m calling lunch break.” He said as he put an arm around your shoulder and started leading you out the store.

You had both just taken a few steps when a familiar voice spoke behind you, successfully stopping you on your tracks.

“Y/N? Sebastian?”

With wide eyes, you stared at the your old college roommate, “Julia?”

She also happened to be Sebastian's ex-girlfriend.

* * *

**_16 Years Ago**_

“So any plans for the Christmas break Y/N?” the voice beside asked you

You were sitting on the floor, leaning against the sofa, being bothered by your roommate’s new boyfriend, Sebastian. He and Julia had only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks but he had oddly seemed too comfortable hanging around your apartment and asking you questions like your holiday plans.

It wasn’t that you hated the guy but you weren’t keen on him either. He was just always... there. You were specific with your personal space and Seb was simply not taking a hint.

You also had a consistent desire to wipe the ever-present smirk on his face every time he crowded you.

You were about to tell him your plans wasn’t any of his business when Julia spoke behind both of you, “She doesn’t have any.”

_Thanks Julia._ you thought sarcastically

Sebastian brows bunched in concern, “You’re not going home to family?”

“Nope.” You answered tight-lipped

Once again, your roommate swooped in when you did not want her too, “Her parents are going on a business trip.”

You threw your hands in exasperation, “JULIA!”

Julia shrugged.

“But I mean, it’s Christmas? You can’t be alone.” Sebastian insisted

Clicking your tongue in irritation that you had to explain yourself to the person you least wanted to, you answered, “It’s fine. I’m used to it. I’ll be working on some papers so I can free up my time when classes start again.”

“That sounds awful.” Sebastian rolled his eyes

“Well, gee thanks. I wasn’t aware I needed your opinion.” You bit back

Sebastian ignored your comment and turned to Julia, “Why don’t you bring her with you?”

“I tried, she didn’t want to.”

You gritted your teeth, “I’m right here. I also didn’t say that Julia, what I said was I didn’t want to impose.”

“What’s the difference?”

You rolled your eyes. God, she was so dense sometimes. You didn’t want to initially offend Julia but the idea of being stuck in Minnesota with her far-right Republican parents was much less appealing than spending the holidays alone.

You took a bite from your egg roll before adding, “I’m not going to be totally alone. Viktor’s coming by before he drives back to Pennsylvania.”

Viktor was your on and off boyfriend. However, with how the recent things were going you, it felt more like you were off recently. Sebastian and Julia didn’t have to know that though, you just wanted to get them off your back.

Sebastian eyed you suspiciously. Why he even bothered to be concerned completely baffled you but hey, Chinese can’t wait for you to finish solving this mystery.

You snuggled under your blanket, drinking your hot choco and about ready to start on a romance novel. A guilty pleasure when the mood was right. What better reason than Christmas, right?

You had gotten off the phone with your parents earlier who seemed to have been enjoying Dubai. They did offer you to join them initially but after they mentioned they would be headed to Saudi Arabia afterwards, it made you less keen to spend time on your own in such a restrictive country.

You had just about finished a page when a knock on the door pulled you out of your imagination. You dragged yourself to door, ready to give the person on the other side a piece of your mind.

_Who in their right mind would bother you on Christmas? Right?_

With wide eyes, you were able to squeak, “Sebastian?”

He was the last person you would expect on your doorstep. Did he forget Julia was away?

You were quite sure he was aware of it. He looked at you apprehensively, like an internal battle within him was happening, before pasting on a decisive demeanour.

“Get dressed. You’re coming with me.” He quickly ordered

“I’m sorry. What?” You asked incredulously

He enters the apartment and scans your surrounding. He raises an eyebrow at the romance novel with a steamy cover and mug of hot chocolate.

“No one should be alone at Christmas. So let’s go.” He said again looking at you as if his explanation made perfect sense

You crossed your arm across your chest, “Did Julia put you up to his? Because I swear—“

“She didn’t. I’m here because I thought of how I would feel on Christmas being alone. It just didn’t feel right and if there’s ever a part of you that felt that way too, then I would hate to know that I didn’t do anything about it.” He blurted it out you, nervousness evident but tone firm

You looked at Sebastian, expression softening at his admission. Now how were you supposed to continue rejecting him?

You cleared your throat awkwardly, “Sebastian... You don’t have to do this. We hardly know each other.”

“Of course we do. You’re my girlfriend’s roommate. We hang out all the time.”

“It’s because you’re here all the time—where Julia lives, where I live.”

“Semantics.” He shrugged, a small smile on his face

You threw up your hands in frustration.

“I really appreciate—“

“I’m not taking no for answer. Either you come with me, or I’m staying right here with you today.”

He was pushing his luck. He knew you weren’t too fond of him and if you really did hate his company, you could threaten to call security on him. He could only deeply hope that you somehow saw him as a friend.

You huffed, “Alright. Fine.”

God he was stubborn, however, you simply couldn't help but appreciate his honesty.

“Stay here while I change.”

A huge smile broke on his face as he nodded. You were now starting to understand what Julia meant whenever she describes Sebastian sweet. It also simultaneously made you feel terrible for judging him quickly.

“Where are we going?” You asked for the 4th time, as you looked around the block

You were at Sunset Park, Brooklyn and this was part of the city you haven’t been in before so you were a little confused what you could be doing there on Christmas.

Both of you went up the steps of a typical brownstone house and as Sebastian rang the doorbell, you couldn’t help but fumble nervously with your fingers.

“Hey, don’t worry. I’m not bringing you anywhere unsafe. Trust me.”

“I don’t even know you.” You blurted, words coming out harsher than you originally meant

Sebastian’s face fell but before he felt worse, you reached out and touched his arm, “Hey, I just meant that uhm... currently we’re considered acquaintances at best. We’re not really _friends_ and we don’t hang out that’s just us, without Julia around. So yeah...”

You hated when you rambled but you had to explain yourself especially when Sebastian made the effort today.

He stayed quiet and for a second, you thought the invitation he extended to you today would be revoked.

Sebastian gave you a smile before taking your hand, “Well, today’s the day we become friends then.”

Just before you were able to pull your hand out of his, a woman in her late 50s opened the door wide open

“Sebby!” She exclaimed, throwing her arms around him and planting a loud kiss on his cheek

All the while, Sebastian never let go your hand despite using one arm to hug the woman back, a huge smile painted on his face.

You were starting to feel awkward but thought it would cause more of an awkward situation if you hastily pulled your hand away.

“Ma, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is my mother, Georgeta.”

You looked at her shyly, before extending your arm, It’s nice to meet you, ma’am.”

Ignoring your hand to pull you in for a hug as well, she smiled and then held your face, “Oh my, what a pretty girl you are. Sebby did say he was bringing someone, I’m glad you can join us. Come in. Come in.”

She ushered you inside their home, and headed to the kitchen, “Honey, Sebby’s here!”

After she left you and Sebastian alone, you finally had the chance to take back your hand before turning to him with wide eyes and whispering, “You brought me to meet your family?”

With only a cheeky smile, he responds, “Where else is one supposed to be on Christmas?”

Georgeta and Anthony, Sebastian’s step-father, were lovely people. Georgeta’s cooking was also too good to pass up, as you find yourself stuffed beyond belief.

“Georgeta, your boeuf salad is divine. I’ve never tasted it before and I’m glad to have had it here first.” You smiled

“You’re welcome to come over anytime you want more, honey. Maybe Sebastian will come over more if you were with him.”

You blushed as you realized she might have misunderstood who you were. Too shy to directly correct this misconception, you look at Sebastian and ask, “Maybe you can bring Julia here too.”

“Julia wouldn’t like this.” Sebastian quickly answered

“Who’s Julia?” Georgeta asked curiously

“She’s Sebastian’s—“

“Research partner and Y/N’s roommate. It’s how we met.” He immediately injected

“Oh well, the more the merrier.” She cheerfully said as she stood up to seemingly get some more food

You looked at Sebastian questioningly but he seemed unfazed about the lie he just said and focused on finishing his food.

You definitely listed this down in things to discuss later.

Aside from that moment, everything went pretty well. Discussion was good, a lot of questions about you and your major while little stories of young Sebastian would occasionally be brought up, making him blush with embarrassment.

Georgeta and Anthony also asked about what your parents did that made them not able to spend Christmas with you.

“They work for an oil company so they spend a lot of time in the Middle East. Unfortunately, these countries don’t observe the same holidays as we do so it’s business as usual.”

“You must miss them.” Georgeta looked at you like a lost puppy

You gave her a small smile as you explained, “I do. But I’ve learned to understand their job. It wasn’t always like this. They tried to be around a lot when I was younger, turned down promotions and jobs but now I’m in college, I like that they keep busy. I don’t hold it against them for missing these things.”

Sebastian’s eyes were fixed on you as you talked, making you feel quite conscious.

“That’s very nice of you. I’m sure they’re happy to have such an understanding daughter.” Georgeta smiled

“I’m not sure my mother would agree.” You laughed as you continued eating your pudding

The rest of meal went smoothly and soon enough you found yourself bidding Sebastian’s parents goodbye with a few packs of food for you to take home despite your constant reassurance that you would be fine. Georgeta only shook her head, with Sebastian insisting the only way you get out the door is if you take it, which you did and was truly happy with.

The train ride home between you and Sebastian was filled with comfortable silence. As you got off at the subway near your apartment, you were the one who had decided to break the ice.

“That was an unexpectedly really lovely dinner. Thank you for dragging me to it.”

“You’re welcome. I think my mother really liked you.”

“Does she usually not like the girls you bring home?” You teased with a smile

“Uh, well, I’ve never brought home any girl really.” He says a bit awkwardly, lips pursing

You stared at Sebastian for a few seconds, until you recalled the dinner conversation earlier, “Is that why you didn’t say Julia was your girlfriend?”

He chuckled, “Yeah. Sorry about that. It’s just if she knew she’d keep pushing me to bring her and I know Julia is your friend—“

“But it’s too soon.” You finished

Sebastian looks at you sheepishly and nodded. It was understandable. They’d only been seeing each other a few months and it would be too soon to do anything like that.

You also knew from that moment on then that this night would only be between the two of you.

You cleared your throat for your next question, “Uhh so... why’d you bring me then?”

Sebastian shrugged as he bit his lower lip. He was actually kind of cute now that you got to really look at him, especially when he seemed shy.

He bounced glances between his feet and your face as he walked and answered, “Honestly? I don’t know. You’re different and we’re friends, aren’t we?”

“I guess...” you paused before smiling, “Your mother has made sure I’m fed until New Year’s. I, at least, owe Georgeta to tolerate you until then.”

He laughed out loud at your response, smiling brightly as he says, “Alright, friends until New Year’s then. I’ll take it.”

It was nice, and perhaps, though you never imagined, there was no other place you rather be than walking silently along side Sebastian this Christmas Day.

* * *

“It’s lovely to see both of you.” Julia smiles pleasantly towards both of you, but soon turning only towards Sebastian, as she adds, “You look particularly good, Sebastian.”

You wanted to puke at her flirting.

Sebastian only gives her a lazy smile, one not reaching his eyes, as he greets, “Hey Julia.”

Smiling forcefully, you spoke up to remind her that you were there, “Fancy bumping into you here. Redecorating?”

“Yeah. My husband and I just bought a home upstate.” She giggled

You almost rolled your eyes at her humble bragging. God how did you tolerate living with her for even a couple of months?

“Oh you’re married?” You asked a bit surprised, but then wondered, it shouldn’t really come a shock knowing her

Suddenly, a familiar voice and face came up behind Julia, “Honey, what do you think—“

Viktor.

“Y/N! Seb!” He gawks at you both

Sebastian only smirks while you almost laugh at the irony. Noncommittal Viktor with Put-A-Ring-On-My-Finger Julia. You realized how deserving they were of each other.

Julia and Viktor stood awkwardly in front of you as a few seconds of silence was shared between the 4 of you.

“I’m happy for you both.” You finally said, and somehow deep down, you really did mean it

“Thank you Y/N. That means a lot.” Julia replies bashfully

You pressed your lips into a tight smile.

Sebastian being cheeky, leans down and whispers to your ear, as if whispering some little dirty secret, “God, I’m starving. Can't wait to get out of here.”

Interrupting your moment, Viktor mutters “Uhm... so you guys together huh?”

You opened your mouth to say otherwise before Sebastian quickly answered for both of you, arms tightening around your shoulder.

“Yup.” He says with no hesitation

“Oh. That’s great. Always knew you guys were going to end up together.” Julia laughs with relief

You eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “You did?”

“Sure sure. Everyone saw it coming.” Viktor said, waving his hand

“Sebastian was—“ Julia never got to finish her sentence as the person she was referring to interrupted her.

“We really should be going. We have a lunch reservation across town and wouldn’t want to miss it.”

You didn’t really have a reservation but before you were able to question Sebastian about it, he had already started to pull your hand towards the exit

Julia called out, “Oh okay. Well, it was nice seeing you guys, maybe—“

You never heard her suggestion as the glass door closed.

“Jesus, couldn’t wait to get out of there.” Sebastian exhaled, not letting go of your hand

“I used to remember a time you were so very fond of Julia's face.” You chuckled, referring to when you would always catch them making out in the living room

“16 years is a lot of time to forget you ever liked someone.”

As if a light bulb went on your head, “Hey, what was Julia going to say back there about you before you interrupted her?”

Sebastian runs his forefinger along his temple before shaking his head, “I don't remember.”

“You know Viktor said everyone saw you and me getting together and Julia said you were...” You looked at him expectantly to complete the message

He stared at you a for a few seconds, before smiling in a teasing matter, “Madly in love with you?”

You laughed, “C’mon Seb, really.”

“I was!” He insisted with a laugh

Twisting your lips to the side, “Fine. If you don't want to tell me, then you’re buying lunch at least.”

He only nods with a smug grin on his face, “Anything you want, my love.”

Pretending to shiver from the pet name, you pushed him away and started walking ahead, “Ugh. Stop! Let’s go to Pastis. I’m starving for some steak frites.”

Sebastian quickly caught up putting his arm around your shoulder again with a cheshire grin now pasted on his face, “Gotta always feed you to keep this friendship going, huh?”

“You betcha.”

_I can't get you out my mind_

_I thought I might have dreamed it_

_You made me feel something that night_

_I swore I never needed_

_I was doing fine 'til I let you in my mind_

_Honey what the hell d'you do to me?_

**(Honey - Scorcha Richardson)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I not tell you that they were NOT always fighting? :P


	5. Coloring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just feel like each chapter I write gets longer and I hope that despite the almost 5k words, you deeply enjoy this as much as I liked writing it. Don't you just love Sebastian's mom goading him? :P
> 
> Of course there is cuddling because that's just who I am.
> 
> Please let me know what you think because you are all my little balls of sunshine and I bask in your thoughts! <3

“We're late! Why didn't you get your ass up when I told you?” You scold Sebastian

“It’s fine. It's just Ma.” Sebastian assures

“You know how she hates tardiness.” You sigh, remembering how you learned that the hard way

“Relax, I told her 6:30, and it’s only 6. We have time. Besides, she’ll know it was my fault anyways if we are late.”

You arrive at The Fulton just on time with Sebastian snickering behind you.

“I told you.” He whispers with a smirk by your ear

You stick out your tongue at him in irritation.

Georgeta has a huge smile on her face as she waves at the both of you enthusiastically.

She gives both of you a hug when you got to the table and conversation starts immediately as soon as you sit down.

“Have you been eating well over there?” Georgeta asks you, worry evident

A usual concern that Georgeta has everytime she sees you.

You give her a reassuring smile, “Yes, Ma. Everything is good. I’ve learned to cook local dishes as well so I’ve been feeding myself well.”

“I’m happy to hear, dear. I do wish you visit more. I know how hard it is being alone in a foreign country all by yourself.”

You nod, “It was but I think I've adjusted quite well now. I still do miss your boeuf salad occasionally.”

“Don't worry, I’ve brought some for you to bring back to Sebby’s apartment.”

You clap in delight at her words.

“When are you and Anthony coming to visit me? Stay at my resort, go on a vacation. You really should.”

“I’m always telling Ma to go.” Sebastian adds

“Well that’s rich considering you've never been.” You shoot back at him

“My work makes it tough. Ma doesn't have the crazy schedule.” He says sheepishly

“Excuses. Excuses.”

Dinner goes wonderful as you tell Georgeta of what you were doing and updates on the business. She in turn tels you about a music program she had recently started mentoring which you were more than enthusiastic to listen to. Sebastian smiles while he listens to his favourite women talk. It was always different with you and his mom. You two love each other like family and knowing his mother, it was no easy feat.

You were scheduled to meet some of your own friends for drinks after dinner and couldn't go with Sebastian to take Georgeta home so you had said your goodbyes outside the restaurant before proceeding to order an Uber.

They watch you get into the your and head on your way, promising to let Sebastian know when you would be home.

“So when are you going to tell Y/N how you really feel?” Georgeta asks Sebastian as she pulled the seat belt across her

“Ma. You know Y/N and I are only friends. We have this conversation every year.” He sighs, starting the car

“What is going through your head? You love that girl and she obviously loves you or else why would she be coming back here every year?” she scoffs at his son

Ignoring her ‘love’ comment, he answers, “Because we’re bestfriends and she wants to see _US_ her family?”

“Oh please Sebastian. I've been waiting to hear you say you're together for years but I remain disappointed.”

“How would it even work between us? She lives halfway the world and my job doesn't really give me the time to keep flying where she is.”

“These are all just details.” she says dismissively, waving her hand

Sebastian tries once more, “I just broke up with Margo.”

“I warned you about that when I had a dream—“

“Don’t even get me started on your dreams, Ma.”

She glares at him with a huff, “Well, in this case then, it doesn’t take superstition to know that if you don't get your act together, some guy is going to sweep Y/N off her feet while you’re off sulking and regretting things.”

Sebastian stays silent as he continued driving. It wasn’t that she was always on his case about you but your annual visits has certainly triggered similar conversations in the past, no matter how many times he’s told his mother that things between you two could just never be anything more.

* * *

_**15 Years Ago**_

“You going to Lana’s party tonight?” Sebastian asked as he lounged on the couch behind you

Exams were in a week and he had insisted that it helped him focus more to study in you and Julia’s apartment, even when she wasn’t there.

She’s been stuck in a group study every evening in the past week and despite knowing this, Sebastian insisted on coming over.

“Are you seriously considering that when you aren’t even halfway through your review material?” You raised an eyebrow

He gives you one of his cheeky smiles, “The calm before the storm.”

“How is getting shitfaced drunk, calm?”

He shrugged before pushing himself of the couch and walking towards you. Shaking you by the shoulders and wide eyes, “Come on Y/N, let loose. I haven’t even seen you drunk!”

“Because it’s incredibly difficult to do so, and I’m just not saying that. Even Viktor has not been that lucky.”

It seemed that Sebastian had took your words as a form of challenge, making you groan inwardly at what you have caused, “More reason to get your ass to that party.”

“Ugh, I don’t know Seb. I’m thinking I’m not in the mood to deal with a hangover tomorrow.”

“I’m not listening to this. If you’re not ready in half an hour, I’m throwing you over my shoulder and carrying you there.”

You glared at him as you stood up and head to your room, dragging your feet and pouting, “One of these days, you pushing me around is gonna get really old.”

He only chuckled, “Only if I get tired of doing so.”

You entered the party which seemed to be well on the way. Everyone knows that when you give a bunch of stressed out college kids a keg, they’ll be more than happy to drown in it. Consequences be damned.

“Where’s Julia? I thought she was meeting us here?” You asked looking around for Viktor who was apparently there already when you texted him.

You almost rolled your eyes when you read his reply. Of course he was, and of course he didn’t bother telling you. It wasn’t the first time it made you question why you were even with him. You did love him, kind of, but you’d be lying if you didn’t say it was because of the great sex.

“She’s here. Somewhere.” Sebastian says, snapping you out of your reminiscent state

Sebastian had left you alone to get some drinks. You stood awkwardly in a corner when you realized this was not the usual crowd you knew, so you simply hung back to check if there were any more familiar faces

present, when one finally popped up.

“Girlllll! Who succeeded in dragging your ass out here?” Kristine exclaims, sounding a little tipsy already

“Sebastian.” You rolled your eyes, throwing your head in the direction he went

“Ooohhh. That boy fine. You should tap that.” Kristine says, obviously with her filter off

“Tin! He’s with Julia. Stop it. Someone might hear and I don’t want anyone thinking of Seb and me that way.”

“Everyone already does.”

“They do?” You asked surprised

“Sure. The guy practically looks at you like you’re on a pedestal.”

When did Kristine ever came to this observation? Sure she’d been present in a few nights out with you, Viktor, Seb and Julia but you thought it was hardly enough to come to the conclusion she made.

You laughed, disregarding her comment, “We’re friends, through Julia. You’re probably not seeing straight. Can’t blame you, we’re always all over ourselves drunk when together.”

“Whatever you say girl. I know what I see.” She smiled, taking a drink from her beer

You were relieved that the topic had died down just in time for Sebastian to come back, two filled plastic cups in hand.

“Hey Tin.” He smiled lazily

“Hey Seb. Just talking to your girl here.” she smiled teasingly

Well, if that wasn’t an awkward reference. You were thankful blushing was not something you had to worry about due to your tan skin.

Deciding it was time to change Kristine’s focus, “Did you see Viktor by any chance? He told me he was already here.”

“Uhhh yeah. I think I saw him by the bathroom a while ago.”

You looked over to where she pointed and internally sighed at the thought of pushing through the crowd to get to that point. Another reminder why you generally did not enjoy these things.

“Thanks. I’ll go let him know I’m here, I’ll see you later Tin.” You told her with a smile

“I’ll go with you.” Sebastian said, moving in front of you so he can make way for you to walk through easier between the people

“Uhuh. Of course you will.” Kristine smirked, eyeing the two of you walk away

Rolling your eyes before giving her the middle finger which she simply laughed it off.

“What was that about?” Sebastian asked curiously, glancing back at you quickly as he continued walking

“Nothing. Tin’s just talking shit.” You waved off

Sebastian paused and looked at you, eyebrow raised.

Grabbing him by the waist, you gritted, “It’s nothing, come on. Hard to believe but being enveloped by a swarm of sweaty bodies is one of my least favorite past time.”

“As opposed to one sweaty body?”

You give him a death glare before he laughed out loud and continue pushing until you both reach the hallway where a bunch of people hung out beside doors of the rooms.

Knowing Viktor never knew when to stop drinking, you figured he must have already passed out in one of the rooms so you went ahead started checking on the rooms with opened doors. After all, you didn’t want to be interrupting someone else’s good time.

“Have you heard from Julia?” You turned to Sebastian while peeking through some of the slightly opened doors

Sebastian checked on his Blackberry again and shook his head, “I’ll try to give her a call.”

As soon as soon he had the phone to his ear, you heard Julia’s familiar ring tone come from one of the rooms. You both walked towards the room, almost laughing at the irony of looking for Viktor but finding Julia passed out instead.

As your hand reached for the doorknob, you and Sebastian shared a cheeky smile thinking you were going to surprise her. Your smile quickly vanished though upon opening the door, finding Julia in only her bra, straddling none other than Viktor. They paused upon being caught, not even realizing immediately it was you and quickly scrambled to sit when they did.

Sebastian face washed into a blank expression, eyebrows lowering at the sight. Silent as you are. Viktor was the first one to make a move.

“Baby, it’s not what it seems—“ he defended, shirt unbuttoned still, walking up to you with arms reaching out

You push him away instantly

“Don’t fucking touch me.” You snapped

Anger simmered inside of you as you stared at him. How could he? Fucking asshole. This douchebag, who wasted your fucking time, had the actual audacity to almost sleep with your roommate AND THEN TRY TO TOUCH YOU?

Your feet stayed rooted to the ground. Your eyes drifted to Julia who was was buttoning up her shirt, avoiding you and Sebastian’s stare. How could she? You thought she was your friend. You accepted her in your apartment, into your life. Everyone always said she was a bitch yet defended her every time, and this is what she does to you? She remained quiet in obvious embarrassment.

You look back coldly at Viktor, “We’re over.”

“What? Baby—“

“We. Are. Over.” You repeated once more before turning around, not even bothering to check with Sebastian and heading out of the party

As soon as your feet hit the pavement and the cold air outside enveloped you, you inhaled deeply letting the situation just sink in. You stood there for a few seconds, closing your eyes, trying to control the anger that was about to burst.

“Y/N c’mon. Talk to me.” Viktor’s voice cane up behind you

“What in god’s name should we even fucking talk about?” You asked exasperatedly

“It was a mistake. We were drunk and we were just talking—“

“And you just happened to slide your tongue down her throat. TOTALLY FUCKING UNDERSTANDABLE.” You gritted, looking at him wildly

Viktor threw his hands up in that air, “Fuck. I mean, if you weren’t so goddamn cold—“

You froze and glared at him sharply, making him pause. Is he serious right now? Is he really trying to blame you?

“Don’t even fucking dare.” You warned

Viktor looked at you, slight fear flashing across his face.

_That’s right. Be fucking scared._ you think

Finally, he straightened his back and continued to speak, “What? I can’t say it? That you’re cold? That you don’t even want to fucking cuddle after sex?”

You looked down, eyes closed, your chest tightening at his words. Yes, perhaps you weren’t the warmest person. Perhaps cuddling was something too personal that you found it more intimate than sex and he wasn’t exactly the kind of person you felt right to cuddle with. Don’t guys usually want to cuddle after sex anyway? You were doing him a fucking favor.

You wanted to slap him. Strangle him. Anything to hurt him the way he seems to be trying to do to you.

But instead, you look up at him icily and end the conversation in one word, “Enough.”

You turned around and started to walk away. You had gotten a few steps when a hand suddenly caught your wrist. You were about to pull away, thinking it was your asshole ex-boyfriend until you saw it was Sebastian. Without a second thought, he immediately wrapped his arms around you. You initially froze at his action, surprised by it, until decidedly relaxing in his hug, resting your head on his chest.

You tried to get a grip of the your feelings, finding the verging tears absurd. You crying over Viktor made you feel worse than seeing what you did. You had to remind yourself that can not let yourself cry because of the stupid guy. You were unaware that your were shaking from reeling in your emotions.

“Shhh.” Sebastian soothed, hand running down the back of your head and the warmth of his body helping further

Realizing you were still near Lana’s house, you pulled back and straighten yourself out wanting to get away as far from there as possible, “I’m heading home—“

“I’ll go with you.”

You really didn’t want anyone’s company, fearing you’ll end up crying along the way and embarrassing yourself further. But you realized that Sebastian just might be in the same boat with you, finding Julia with Viktor. You only nodded in response.

The walk home was done in shared silence. Not really sure what to say to each other, you merely acknowledged Sebastian’s presence and somehow you hoped that was what he was doing as well.

“I’ll just be minute.” You excused yourself as soon as you entered the apartment, not even waiting for Sebastian to respond before you quickly entered the bathroom

Splashing water on your face, you hoped that it would help but instead it had somehow cleared a path for all your feelings to flood in.

You sat on the side of the bathtub to get a grip of yourself. Were you heartbroken? Absolutely not. It’s not like you loved Viktor intensely. Maybe it was more humiliation—that you almost got played? Yes. Definitely. Betrayal? Check that off the list too. All these summed up to a fleeting anger that quickly turned into exhaustion.

Before you caught yourself, you had already laid down in the bathtub, wrapping your arms around you, curling your body slightly.

Self pity was not something you were familiar with, but perhaps this is one of those moments you actually tried to figure out what was wrong with you. How Viktor could have said those words because despite not being the best girlfriend, you know deep down you tried and you simultaneously hated for doing so with that asshole. Before you were aware, tears had started falling down your face, silent sobs slipping from your lips.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Sebastian’s voice came from the other side of the door

Not caring to respond as you continue to cry, Sebastian followed up with urgency in his voice, “I’m worried about you. I’m coming in whether you like it or not.”

The sound of the door opening didn’t even bother you. You didn’t care anymore how he saw you. There was only so much bravado you can put up.

Sebastian walked cautiously over to your balled up state, not saying a word. He sat down on the bathroom floor on the other side of the bathtub, resting his chin on the back of his left hand that lay flat on the ceramic.

His right hand reached out to push a few pieces of hair that has fallen on across your face as you ungracefully sniffed and wiped your nose.

“Hey.” He said softly, as if not to scare you

You looked at him, eyes wet and sad.

It took all the effort in him to simply not pull you in his lap and cradle you.

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” You said unconvincingly

“And I’m the Queen of England.” He replied sarcastically

You gave him a small forced smile while he strokes your face with his knuckles, occasionally wiping some of the tears.

“Can I join you in there?” He asked unsurely

Maybe it was because you felt vulnerable. Or maybe you felt needy. Or simply maybe, you just craved the warmth and his hug earlier proved he had plenty to give.

So you nodded your head again but not moving your body, just letting Sebastian step over you to get to the space on the other side of the tub.

Once he had laid down, he turned you around and wrapped his arm around you once more, tucking you in. Silence takes over once again for a few seconds, Sebastian afraid to interrupt the moment while you simply lingered in the feeling of his hands running up and down your back, the tears has permanently stopped now. Your legs tangled in his, your breaths had synced.

“Do you think I’m cold?” You ask first, voice hoarse

Sebastian pulls back and looks at you, shock on his face, “Did he say that?”

You nod again, embarrassed you even asked because it now showed how affected you were.

Sebastian took hold of your chin to tilt your face up at him, “Every time you smile, the sun holds its head in shame.”

It was so cheesy, but had the same effect all the same. A small grin escaped your lips, “Thank you. For being here.”

“No place I’d rather be.”

The thought of how he must have felt after seeing Julia dawned on you and it made you feel terrible once again that you had not even asked about how he felt.

“I’m sorry about Julia.” You looked at him sincerely

He gave you a reassuring smile, “If there’s one person here who does not need to say sorry, it’s you.”

You press your lips in a tight line.

Sebastian spoke cautiously, “I didn’t tell you but we broke up a week ago.”

You look at him confused, “But you were here everyday this week.”

“When she wasn’t around.”

“Why?”

“You can be so dense sometimes, did you know that?” He chuckles then bite his lower lip as his thumb brushed your chin, “I wanted to see you.”

This revelation warms your heart and for some reason, a lump feels stuck in your throat, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was afraid you’d tell me to stop coming over.”

You stay quiet. He was right, you would have. It wouldn’t have felt appropriate and you were particular about setting borders.

You admire his face for a moment. His pale skin tinged with pink from flushing. Eyes hazily looking at you while his forefinger traced your jaw. His lips red and slightly chapped probably from biting it. He had a boyish charm that you had somehow overlooked and was now revealing itself like the the sun appearing after a cloudy day. Your hand on his chest, gripped his shirt tighter.

Sebastian was taking your silence in nervously, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. You must have felt—“

Before he could continue, you press your lips against his in a warm soft kiss.

Sebastian initially froze from the kiss and you almost immediately pulled away before you felt his

fingers slip through your hair, sigh and kiss you back.

His lips was as soft as they looked, slightly bitter from what you suspect was the beer he drank earlier. He moved his mouth tentatively against yours as if leisurely enjoying the demure kiss.

You licked his lips to urge him further and he did not disappoint, taking it as a cue to slide his tongue inside your mouth. Slowly drawing out yours to tangle with his, pushing the kiss to a more passionate turn.

Sebastian slides his hands down to your waist, maneuvering you on top of him then sitting up, making you straddle his waist.

“You taste so sweet....” He moans against your mouth

Oh god, why did this kiss feel so good? So right?

You felt Sebastian harden underneath you, involuntary causing your hips to grind against his crotch. Pushing your chest against his harder, he trails his lips to your jaw, down to your neck, making you moan softly. You felt hot and you craved to feel Sebastian’s hands on your skin, everywhere.

He licked lightly up to your ear before whispering, “Tell me to stop. Please.”

His pleaded insincere but the attempt was admirable nonetheless.

Your hands played with the hair on the nape of his neck before you replied breathily, “No.”

This made Sebastian’s control almost snap as he grabbed your head once more for an open mouth kiss, desire completely overtaking both your senses.

Sebastian hastily pulled his mouth away, pressed his forehead against yours as you writhed against him.

He begged once more, “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t.” You assure unconvincingly, just wanting his mouth on you again

Sebastian peppered your lips with light kisses before he took a moment to really look at you. Eyelids heavy from want, lips plump from the kisses shared and every fibre in him only wanted to go back to kissing you senseless until he has you underneath him, screaming his name.

However, he also saw clearly what this moment is and despite not fully understanding it, he somehow knew if you continued, it wouldn’t be a moment you both can go back from. At least not for you, and maybe, not for him either.

He took a hold of your face and slowly brought it a few inches away from his, then slowly stroked the hair surrounding your face again before carefully but surely saying, “You can’t go back if we do this.”

His words snapped you out of your lustful haze, your body shouting in refusal and a part of you leaning to the convince him to just abandon his worries.

If it was any one else in the moment, you would have feel utterly rejected but Sebastian’s soft expression only assures you. A feeling of safety overcomes you despite his words.

Afraid that you were taking it the wrong way because of your silence, “I want you. God, you have no idea how much I want this. But we can’t go back and I can’t—“

You silence him by putting a finger on his lips, “I know. It’s okay. I understand because I don’t want to lose you too.”

It was your turn to cup his face. Sebastian closed his eyes and kissed the palm of your hand, sighing at the feel of your touch.

He was right. You can not look at him the same after this and you might not even be ready to be friends at all.

You nod for the nth time, acknowledging silently the decision to avoid this potential mistake, “Thank you.”

He only chuckles lowly, “No need. You don’t know how much I want to smack myself right now.”

You continue to only stroke his cheek with your thumb.

He takes your other hand in his, “I just know that no matter what I feel, stopping now is the only decision I won’t regret tomorrow.”

“Thank you. Thank you.” You press your forehead against his

You weren’t sure how long you were in that position. You only knew you stayed in each other’s arms for a while until you both decided the bathtub was the least comfortable space to be in.

As you stepped out and straightened out your clothes, you hesitantly ask Sebastian, “Stay with me tonight.”

“Are you sure?” He looks at you tentatively

He knows you don’t mean sex, but the intimacy implied by your request is not lost on him.

“Yes, I don’t want to be alone so please... just stay.”

“Okay, I’ll stay.”

* * *

Sebastian shakes his head in amusement as he looks at you passed out on the passenger seat of his car.

He somehow expected to get a call that night as he waited up for you. Call it intuition.

So it wasn’t a surprise when your drunk voice drifts through the other line at 1AM, telling, no, commanding him to pick you up because you lost your other shoe.

He was almost worried when you couldn’t tell him where you were, until Kristine grabbed the phone from you giving him the details of where to get your drunk ass.

He succeeds in getting you into his apartment, barefoot because you weren’t lying about losing one shoe and you just decided it was just better to lose the other one too.

Settling you down on the bed in the spare bedroom, he grabs the make up wipes from your bathroom and wipes off your face until he was satisfied that it was bare clean.

He's also relieved you're wearing a dress, so he didn’t have to worry about you changing you into something more comfortable

Feeling his hand on your face, you give him a drunken smile, “Sebby.”

“Hey baby.” He chuckles

“You came.”

“I can’t let you walk home missing one shoe now, can I?”

You hum, making him break into a wide smile. He couldn’t help but wonder who took care of you when you weren't with him, quickly making him sad somehow.

Knowing this was not the time to ponder about this, he whispers softly to your motionless body, “Get some sleep, I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

He's about to kiss your forehead when you suddenly shake your head, surprising him that you were even still conscious, “Stay with me.”

Sebastian only smiles at you adoringly, “You should rest.”

You give him a stubborn pout, “No, stay with me.”

It was useless fighting you in this. He never won and maybe it’s because he didn’t really want to fight it. He also knew that you would end up crawling in bed with him later on if he didn’t stay. Last thing he wants is you trying to drag your intoxicated self around his apartment while he slept.

“Okay. I’ll stay.” He gives in as he settles on the space beside you, going under the blanket and pulling you to his side

Smiling lazily while already half asleep, you snuggle under his arm, “Sebby. Stay.”

He smirks, continuing soothe your hair and finally giving you the delayed kiss of the forehead. You sigh because sober or not, you always knew, there was no safer place than cuddled under Sebastian’s arm.

_Stay for the night, tell you why nothing's right if you're gone_

_Stay for the night, if it's all a lie, I wouldn't mind if you're wrong_

_Stay for the night, we've been alright for so long_

_There's no coloring around us anymore_

_You either know or you don't_

(Coloring - Kevin Garrett)


	6. Almost is Never Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm soooo sorry this is so delayed. I've finished like 3/4 of this chapter like 2 weeks ago but I felt so unsure with it. Then I went on a vacation then caught up with work. Generally, life happened. 
> 
> ANYWAY, if you are still following this story, I really hope you enjoy this update. 
> 
> As always, I would loveee to hear your thoughts (what you liked, what you didn't like blah blah) and maybe what you would want to see? It's my writing energy booster so PLEASSSEEE leave me some comments! Y'all are awesome. :)

Sebastian woke up today and decided he was going to be moody. He walked around with heavy footsteps, sighing more than needed, intentionally being noisy. You watched him fumble around the kitchen, with a raised eyebrow.

“What’s up, pussycat?” You smirked, while drinking your orange juice and glancing at the morning news

“Nothing. I’m just looking for the cereals.” He huffed

“Well sounds like you’re about ready to renovate the kitchen.”

“Just didn’t sleep well.”

You rolled your eyes at his petulance. It’s honestly like raising a 5-year old man. You stood up and walked towards him before forcing him to sit at the one of the chairs by the kitchen island.

“I can do it myself.” He mumbled but not really bothering to stand up

“I’m sure you can. I just wanted to spare the cabinets an undeserved beating this morning.”

He looked at you, eyes lowered while you grabbed the milk and cereals from the fridge and pantry. You poured the contents in a bowl, giving him a sweet smile. You rested your elbows on the counter, chin on your hand after pushing the bowl towards him.

“I know what’s up your ass.” You said knowingly

He stayed silent while chewing his breakfast. He was brooding. Typical Sebastian.

You spoke in a calm voice, one you would imagine a mother uses on her child, “You know I can’t stay. I’ve been here 3 weeks and there’s so many things waiting to be done at the resort.”

_ Resort. Resort. Fuck that resort. _ He thought bitterly but only snorted in reaction to you

“Besides, you seem to have a healthier relationship with alcohol now so I can rest easy knowing you’re not gonna choke on your own vomit one of these days.” You added with a chuckle, heading to fridge to grab him a banana

He didn't have to ask, you already knew that cereal and fruits were staples for him in the mornings. The fact that you did made him hate more, if it was possible, the idea of you leaving already.

“Hey, I’m here 3 more days, so stop sulking already.” You tried once again

“So why can't it be one more week? What’s the difference of 3 days and a week?”

“A lot when your in hospitality. Sorry we can't all have months off like you Mr. Hollywood.” You rolled your eyes lightly

Sebastian finished his cereal in silence as you went around the island to where he was and hugged him from behind, arms around his waist while your chin on his shoulder.

You make him soft and even if he already was, you were able to turn him into mush. He sighed and placed a hand over one of yours, rubbing your arm softly.

He finally admitted, “I hate watching you leave.”

“Not as much as I hate leaving you behind.”

“We’ll call it a tie then.” He finally smiled

You gave him a kiss on the cheek before plopping on the seat beside him

“What?” He eyed you curiously

“Let’s do something fun today, Seb!” You declared as you start to break into huge naughty smile

* * *

_ **9 Years Ago** _

You glanced at your image in the mirror for the nth time, rolling your eyes at your silliness. Jesus, it’s not like this is the first time you’ve ever been on a date. Relax. Have a good time. You looked great—casual but great—and you guys have been friends for a while so it should be easy right?

A knock on the door snapped you back to the present. Taking a deep breath, you rushed to the door and opened coolly.

“Hey stranger.” You smiled

“Hey you. You look great.” Chace mirrored back a smile, albeit more charming than yours

You checked out what he wore because of your worry that you were either over or under dressed. 

He had on a grey sweater, a brown beige jacket, and black jeans. You were relieved because it meant casual and your mid thigh floral cotton dress and white sneakers were good enough.

“I can say the same for you.”

“Are you ready to go or do you need some thing before we head out?” He asks thoughtfully

“Let me just grab my jacket and then I’m good.”

You headed for a nice Italian restaurant in Manhattan with outdoor seating. Chace reserved a corner table which was nice as you didn’t like people passing you by whilst you were in conversation.

“Honestly, I’m surprised you said yes to tonight.” Chace admitted with a embarrassed smile as soon as you got talking

You almost choked on your water, “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know... It just didn’t feel like you were interested.” He laughed

“You’re kidding, right? I mean, we hang out as friends but I would never assume you liked me more. I just generally think all of Seb’s friends are great, you included.”

“Yeah, well, I hope you think of me great as a person and not just Seb’s friend after tonight.” He says bashfully

“Of course I do or else I wouldn’t have gone out with you.” You assured

“Did you tell him about tonight? Seb, I mean?”

You fidgeted in your chair from the question, “Uhm... Not really.”

Chace raised an eyebrow, waiting for you to go on.

“He’ll fuss about it, you know? And I think we can do just fine on our own without the fussing.” You laughed as you explained

He smiled at your response.

The conversation was relaxed and free-flowing, it made you wonder why you were even nervous in the first place. Chace was a gentleman and he made you laugh. You could drown in his blue eyes and you can imagine yourself kissing him red lips.

Dinner was delicious and you found yourself mentally taking note to bring Sebastian there next time.

You paused at the thought. Why would you do that? This was not the time to think about him. He definitely didn’t think about you when he’s dating it-girl Leighton Meester. Thin, beautiful and leggy, that was Sebastian’s type.

See? This was DEFINITELY not the time to think about him when you had a perfectly handsome man, circling his thumb over your hand, looking at you like you were the most beautiful woman in the room. You shook the thought away and willed yourself to focus back on Chace.

After dinner, you had both decided to walk for a bit, the spring weather in NY making the perfect time to do so. By this time, Chace has his hand intertwined with yours. It had been a while that you had been out on a good date and you were happy it was already with someone you know. Chace’s hand was warm and soft against yours but why could you not shake the thought of how different it felt?

“Should I take your silence that you’re enjoying tonight so far?”

You smiled brightly at him as you turn to face him, “Yes, definitely. Thank you for the wonderful night. I was actually worried at the start.”

Chace’s free hand pushed some strands of hair behind your ear, “Don’t see why. It’s just me.”

“I haven’t been on dates for a while, so I wasn’t sure what to expect.”

“Don’t worry, you were a pro.” He teased

You switched glances to your feet and his face. Was this when he was supposed to kiss you? Nervousness overtaking you.

Chace felt the tension and decides to break the ice once again, “I’d really like to kiss you now.”

“I… I’d really like that too.” You stuttered

Finally, he bent down closer to your face, as if waiting your further permission. Pushing yourself to the tip of your toes, you met him halfway and pressed your lips to his. Chace’s mouth tasted of raspberry, more likely from his drink earlier. He moved his lips against yours, and you responded by licking his lower lip, closing your eyes. This made him moan lowly and immediately you felt him place his hands around your waist to pull you closer while you wrapped yours around his neck. It was a good kiss and any other girl would have been left breathless by it.

A voice echoes in your head, ‘You taste so sweet.’

Sebastian.

Your eyes opened wide instantaneously. What the actual fuck?

Chace felt you still in his arms. His lips had slowed down its movement against yours and he pulled his head back from yours. He studied your reaction and somehow, he knew.

“I’m so sorry.” You said embarrassed by what happened

He smiled lightly, “It’s okay. I understand.”

“Do you?”

He chuckled, “Yeah. I guess, I always kind of did.”

“I’m sorry.” You apologized again

“Please don’t be.” He shook his head with a soft smile, his thumb still rubbing the side of your neck

You bit your lip, unsure of what to say next. Chace was so sweet and here you were, throwing away the chance to be with a great guy because you couldn’t keep the vision of making out with your bestfriend clear from your mind.

He spoke out again, tone soft and soothing, “I really like you and I think you’re such a great girl. I’m just sorry he doesn’t see that.”

Did he know you were thinking about Sebastian?

“I’m—”

“If you say you’re sorry one more time, I’m going to kiss you again.” He joked

You look at him, “I’m not sure if that’s a very effective threat.”

“Maybe I’m just looking for another reason to kiss you.” 

You chuckled at his response, biting your lower lip.

“Look, if maybe, I don’t know. Maybe one of these days and you feel ready to go out with a guy that REALLY likes you, then you have my number.”

“I do like you and I think you’re wonderful.”

“But not as much as him, and I prefer not to compete with someone years ahead of me when it comes to your affection.”

Okay, yup, he knew.

“Chace... are we—are we still friends?” You asked, unsure

He gave you a reassuring smile, “Now, nothing can make me give that up.”

And somehow, a part of you is relieved.

You entered your apartment that night confused by what just happened. A perfect night turned awkward, despite Chace’s assurances that it was fine. You sighed at the feelings that bubbled inside you.

You and Sebastian had always been best friends. When did it change? When did you start seeing him differently? You thought of all the years you’ve shared and suddenly, you felt scared that you had these emotions towards him. But was it sudden though? You guys have always been around each other and sometimes affection can be blurred at this point.

A million more questions had started running through your head. What would it mean for your friendship? What would it mean for your dating life?

Sure you had a moment years ago but since then Sebastian has gone to become an an actor in one of the most popular TV shows and was now dating Leighton. Thinking he would ever look at you in some romantic way was ridiculous, you two had been platonic friends for too long. If there was a time you two could have something, it was long past gone and you won’t be the one making the mistake of falling in an unrequited love with Sebastian Stan. 

God, what a fucking mess. 

You slumped down on your couch, pushing aside the documents from your parent’s lawyers on the table. You still haven’t even fully recovered from losing your parents and already, you had to contemplate on losing Sebastian too. You buried your face in your hands, groaning. Looking up for a second, you eyes land on one of the envelopes that was labelled, ‘Properties and Assets’.

Just when you had reached out and opened it, your phone rang, answering it without even checking.

“Hey. Where have you been tonight?” you hear Sebastian’s voice on the other side

“Hey to you too.”

He laughs, “Hey. So?”

“I was out.”

“With who?”

“I have other friends, Seb.” You rolled your eyes as his question

“Well, why didn’t you ask me to join you?”

“Thought you were busy with Leighton.” You said distractedly as you start taking out the documents from the envelope

“Nah, she’s out of town. Wanted to go out with you tonight.”

Of course he does, because that was the only time he seemed available these days, when Leighton wasn’t around. 

Out of mild irritation, you decided to go with abrupt honesty, “Oh... Well, I had a date.”

There was a pause on the other line, you check on your phone screen to make sure the line wasn’t dropped, “Seb?”

You heard him clear his throat, “Yeah, I’m here. Who was it? The guy you had a date with?”

You paused from glancing through the documents as you bit your lip. Should you tell him? No, nothing happened tonight, it was better he didn’t know.

“Just someone from work. Don’t think I’ll see him again.” You said coolly

He chuckled, as if he almost sounded relieved, “That bad?”

“Terrible.” You lied as you read through one of the properties’ deeds of sale

A property that caught your attention was a land in the Philippines that your parents kept telling you about. They’ve shown you photos before and it was a beach front property that they’ve always wanted to turn into a resort for their retirement.

“Want to get drunk with me and forget about it?” Sebastian offered

Before you are able to really think about, you eyed the paper once again, an idea striking in your head, while you answered, “Sure.”

* * *

_ 6 Months Ago _

Sebastian was exhausted and it was starting to show. He had been filming back to back; and flying from one country to another. The Hugo Boss party was enjoyable, but as he laid down on the hotel bed that night, he felt the unknown anxiety creep up within him. It was stress, his therapist told him. Keep yourself busy, she reminds, but not too busy. But for an actor, busy is good, right? Busy means work. Busy means people want to see you.

His head was almost starting to spin. He grabbed his phone and clicks on Facetime. He thought of calling Margo but realized she is at a PR party so instead he scrolled the one person who he was sure would remind him everything was okay.

3AM. Who could be calling you at this time? It clicked in your head as your hand reached for your phone groggily. You knew who it was.

“Hey stranger.” Your sleepy face appeared in his screen, voice hoarse from sleep

Sebastian immediately felt the anxiety fade at your first two words.

“Sorry. I forgot about the time difference. Did I wake you?” He asked

“You always do and as always, I don’t mind.” You insisted as he watched you sit up and lean on the headboard

He observed you for a few seconds as your face is further illuminated when you turned on the bedside lamp.

“You look tired, Seb. Everything okay?” You ask worriedly, hands itching to soothe the prominent eye bags under his eyes.

“I’m good. Just tired.”

“Where are you right now?”

“Toronto. Hugo Boss party earlier.”

“I’m sure your fans will rejoice seeing new photos of you in a suit.” You teased

“How would you know?”

“I may be following a FEW of them on social media.” You laughed

He smiled lazily, the feeling of you checking on these things pleased him for some odd reason.

“You can always get real live updates from me.”

“I know, but where’s the fun in that?” You chuckled

The sound was music to his ears. At this point, he’s almost forgotten the anxiety that was starting to choke him before he called.

“So, how are things with Margo?” you asked curiously

He knew you would ask but somehow he dreaded that you would for some reason

He paused, searching for the right words, “Feeling things out.”

You watched him squirm at the question. Despite the slight pang in your chest every time he started seeing someone, you were somehow used to it at this point and you’ve learned to be genuinely happy for him. Sebastian was never single for too long really.

“You really loved her, it’s worth giving it another shot.” You encouraged gently

He stared at you questioningly, “How can you say that when she isn’t exactly your biggest fan?”

“It doesn’t matter if she likes me or not. What matters to me is she loves you.”

He stayed silent, pondering your words, as you continued.

“You deserve to be loved, Seb. It helps me sleep better at night knowing you have someone to come home too at the end of each day in your crazy life.”

_ ’Why can’t it be you then?’ _ he thought

“I’ll always have you though, right?” he voiced out instead

You smile softly, “Until you want me around.”

He sighed at the thought of how much he missed you. It was a feeling that lingered and then came like waves. How he only wished he could see and touch you when he wanted, but he knew he was being selfish. Wasn’t it why he let you go in the first place? Because he couldn’t ask you to be easily accessible to him all your life, because he could never ask you to stay if you wanted to go.

“You’re being awfully quiet for someone who called me in the middle of the night.”

“I just wanted to see you.” He admitted

You gave him a soft smile, “I’m here.”

“I miss you.” He stated as he laid his head on the pillow

“Same. Always.”

He smiled again, eyes crinkling at corners. Those words felt enough. Even when he already knew, hearing it was validation. 

He wants to hear your voice some more so he requested that you to sing him, which you surprisingly indulged him with.

_ Spend all your time waiting _

_ For that second chance _

_ For a break that would make it okay _

_ There's always some reason _

_ To feel not good enough _

_ And it's hard at the end of the day _

_ I need some distraction _

_ Oh beautiful release _

_ Memories seep from my veins _

_ Let me be empty _

_ Oh and weightless and maybe _

_ I'll find some peace tonight _

He loves your voice and even when he has encouraged you many times to do perform publicly, you’ve only continued to do so when you are by yourself and he honestly relishes that you ever only do it in front of him when he asks. He closed his eyes as your voice drifted over the phone in his hand.

_ In the arms of the angel _

_ Fly away from here _

_ From this dark cold hotel room _

_ And the endlessness that you fear _

_ You are pulled from the wreckage _

_ Of your silent reverie _

_ You're in the arms of the angel _

_ May you find some comfort here _

It was one of your favorite songs and it was a song that felt more than fitting in the moment and what he was feeling. He opened his eyes to see you watching him. You looked so beautiful; his chest tightened at the thought.

“God, I love you.” He thought, or so that’s what he thought he did

You paused to look at him and it’s only when he realized that he said it out loud.

You always say this to one another but for some reason your heart skipped a beat when you heard it this time. The words were familiar but why did it feel different?

Sebastian kept a straight face. Did he just say that? Yup. He did. Stupid mouth. Was he supposed to say something? Was he supposed to just pretend it was the same as every time you had both said it in passing? Or maybe he should just wait to see how you would react? 

“I love you too.”

The small voice inside his head screamed in hope that you mean it the same way he does. He held his breath at your response, swallowing hard.

“You know I do.” 

Apparently not.

Sebastian felt relief and sadness simultaneously overtaking him, he decided to end the conversation before any other emotions slipped out of his mouth, “I should let you get some sleep.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded in confirmation, “I’m good now.”

“I thought you were good when you called me?”

“I was but not as I am now.”

“I can talk with you until you fall asleep.” You offered, eyes already fluttering to stay open

“I’m thinking you’ll fall asleep first before that happens.” He laughed again

“Probably, then we can fall asleep together.”

“Just like old times?”

“Just like old times.” You mumble, half asleep already

“Doesn’t feel the same though,” He said quietly

“No, but it’s enough for now.”

Was it though? He was endlessly trying to fill a void that you had left and had thoroughly been unsuccessful. It had just been so much harder after you left, continuously busying himself to feel it.

Your eyes were fully closed now, and it hits him harder than ever, how much he wants you. How much his life isn’t just as good without you around. How he craves your presence. How he cannot imagine not ever having you in his life in some way. 

He sighed again as he continued to watch you quietly. The more he admits this to himself, the more the fact that he can’t have you radiates. He can never ask you to give up your life and he knew you would never ask him to do so either. But some things gotta give right? 

In this moment, Sebastian was on the verge of giving it all. 

He shook his head and whispers, “It’s never enough.”

By this time, you had already fallen asleep again leaving Sebastian watching your through a small screen, halfway across the world.

* * *

Sebastian watches you exhale the smoke through your nose and close your eyes at the feeling. You’re lying down on one side of the L-shaped couch, while Sebastian on the other, your heads beside each other at the meeting corner. 

“This is what you meant by fun?” He raises an eyebrow

You smile lazily at him, “Don’t you miss getting high with me?”

You hand him the rolled joint once again in which he takes the last hit before placing the edge in an ashtray at the living room center table.

“Of course I do. I miss doing everything with you.” He says nonchalantly, the weed doing it’s magic 

He’s always been a little too careless with words. More so when he was high. You’ve taught yourself not to take it to heart too much but you find it difficult when your defenses are down. 

You look at him, a bit of wonder and sadness across your face, “Sebastian. Why don’t you ever come to visit me?”

“It’s too hard.” He admits as you stay silent waiting for him to go on

You have an inkling you understand what he means and that you’ve always known why but you want to hear it straight from him.

He sighs, “I think that if I go see you and I have to go, it’ll be too difficult for me. I can’t imagine myself leaving you. I don’t know how you do it, but then again, you were always the stronger one between us.”

You turn your head to look up at the ceiling, letting this revelation fester between you before you respond, “I always cry in the plane after I board.”

Sebastian is surprised by your confession, saddened with the thought of you doing so. He lifts his left hand over his head, reaching for your right hand and placing it beside your heads. He kisses the back of it gently.

“You never told me.”

“Your brooding at the end of my every trip doesn’t exactly leave me much opportunity to share.” You laugh lightly

His hand lets go of yours and slides up to your hair. He runs his fingers softly through your scalp. You hum at feeling as you close your eyes, mutual silence taking over again.

Sebastian breaks the silence this time as he says, “I want to go back with you.”

Your eyes snap open, quickly? turning your head to face him, “What?”

“I just finished shooting a movie last month. I have time before shooting starts for Marvel and honestly I’m tired. I just want to get away from it all for a bit. Where else better to spend a vacation than with you.”

You stare at him bewildered, “But what happened to it being too difficult?”

He shakes his head as he smiles widely “Let me carry the burden of leaving this time. It’s my turn to cry on the plane.”

You are stunned as excitement rushes through you, the weed being the only thing keeping you down and looking cool. 

“Say yes.” Sebastian demands softly

You open your mouth, initially a protest of some sort supposedly to be said but instead you find yourself responding with a simple “Yes”

“Okay?” Sebastian asks again for double assurance

“Okay.”

He only grins wider if possible, before nodding, “Okay.”

_"Almost, almost is never enough_   
_So close to being in love_   
_If I would have known that you wanted me the way I wanted you_   
_Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart_   
_But right here in each others arms_   
_And we almost, we almost knew what love was_   
_But almost is never enough"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of played around with the timeline here. I know the HB party was recently but I decided to put it somewhere it will fit with the story. Also, Seb looked very handsome there but he also looked so tired (in my opinion) so it's where it all came to me.


	7. Beyond

To say that the Philippines was hot would be an understatement. It was humid hot that made Sebastian start sweating the moment he stepped off the plane in the island of Siargao. It was the very definition of a tropical, and though he had a preview of similar weather in Singapore, he was not prepared for it when he stepped out the plane.

“You good?” you ask worriedly

“Yeah, I’m fine. Is it always this hot?” He asks, sweat starting to appear on his forehead

“Pretty much.” you smirk

“No winters?”

“Only dry and monsoon seasons. So yeah no 4 seasons. Pretty much hot all year round. It’s actually a cooler right now, it can get hotter.”

Sebastian’s eyes bulges as you explain. You find it a bit amusing honestly. Being that Sebastian had only ever lived in cold countries, he was truly unaware of what it would be like in an actual tropical country. 

“Madam, I’m happy you’re back!” Jose, a jovial man with a kind smile, greets you and Sebastian at the airport

You introduce him to Sebastian as the resort driver. He picks up and drops of guests apparently.

The van ride to the resort was almost 2 hours away. Sebastian curiously looks around the places you pass. From a road where rice fields were seen left and right, until tall coconut trees took over in place of it. It was such a different life from what he was used to and despite the sweltering heat that initially hit him, he was starting to feel at ease at the environment.

You arrive at the resort, making Sebastian’s jaw drop at the how beautiful it was. The resort had 11 villas only but each one designed for privacy. 1 family villa with 2 bedrooms, 1 villa with 3 bedrooms and the rest were single bedroom villas. 1 villa was exclusively for you, which had 2 bedrooms and was in a lot separated from all the resort villas. You had your own pool as well as it being beach front view.

“Wow.” Sebastian stared at everything in awe

“Am I supposed to take that as a good thing?” You smile curiously

“Yes. Y/N. Just—wow.” Sebastian stares at you in disbelief

He knew your resort had been featured in numerous traveler’s choices of luxury resorts but this was beyond what he could imagine despite all the photos you’ve sent him over the years. 

You show him to his room in your villa. You initially offered him his own but he refused, insisting that he would only stay with you and didn’t need to occupy one that could be for guests. You honestly didn’t mind.

After you both settle in and changed into some thing more comfortable, Sebastian finds you lounging on one of the pool loungers, checking some of the messages on your iPad.

He watches you from the doorway for a few minutes. You wore an off shoulder white smocked dress that landed on your upper thighs. It was short and summery that complimented your well tanned skin. The sun reflected off your skin and he felt his throat tighten at the sight of you. God, you were so beautiful and he loved how unaware you were of just how much. 

You felt a presence near you and you turned around to find Sebastian standing by the door. 

You smiled widely at him, “Hey, so what do you think of your room?” 

He smiles back at being caught, but soon approaches and takes a seat in the empty lounger beside you. 

“It’s amazing. I’m sure you already know.” He assures which makes you only smile brighter

He takes your hand in his, his thumb rubbing over yours, “What you did here is amazing, Y/N. I mean, I don’t think I could ever do all of these alone. Uprooting yourself, moving to a totally foreign country and developing this. I’m so proud of you.”

It made your heart swell to hear Sebastian speak like this. You poured your heart and soul into developing the place, without knowing if you were doing the right thing and putting everything you had on the line. After so many years, it had finally paid off and despite being proud of what you have accomplished, you longed for someone to say it. To hear the validation especially from one of the people you loved.

Sebastian had always been supportive but you always knew he took it to heart when you had left so to finally hear him approve of your decision made you feel ecstatic.

“Thank you Sebastian. It wasn’t always easy but your faith in me, though reluctant, has been very important.”

He squeezes your hand assuringly, “I’ve always believed in you, even when it was hard to believe in my self, I never had a doubt with what you can do.” 

* * *

** _**7 YEARS AGO**_ **

_ ’What the fuck am I doing here? What was I thinking? I can’t do this.’  _ You thought harshly as you watched the typhoon blow strongly from your rented condo

If there was a time to be honest, it was now and in that moment you were utterly scared shitless. 

You’ve been in the Philippines for a total of 2 weeks and already your head was spinning of what needed to be done. You had met with an architect and land developer in Manila, the capital city, to help you figure out your next move in the resort. 

Although you had initially mapped out your next moves and what needed to be done, you had to admit that you were way over your head. You were confused, dazed and adjusting to a life you had no idea how to grasp in a city that was virtually as strange to you. 

People do this all time, you assured yourself initially and for a while it worked until you finally had to see what needed to be done, before realizing that not everyone took as a big step as you did. 

The only aspect you were lucky on was the fact that you didn’t have to think about money, that you had plenty. 

The first typhoon you experienced, which apparently the Philippines had almost continuously for a certain season, was already something that had you ready to return back to New York. You almost hated yourself for being so sheltered.

The winds howled as the rain slapped heavily across the tall glass windows of your living room and lightning flashed multiple times.

Your eyes grew wide before you reached out for your phone reflexively, scanning to the one person you wanted to talk to help you calm down.

“Hey!” Sebastian answered after a few rings

He seemed to be at a convention of some sorts, noise everywhere surrounding him

“Seb.” You forced a smile, voice soft

“Everything okay?” He asked immediately

He already knew something was wrong and somehow, you immediately regretted calling him. He could sense these things in an instant when it comes with you and the last thing you needed right now is proving him right that this whole decision was a mistake, but god, you just needed to hear him, to see him. 

You missed him intensely and the fact that he was no longer within the same city as you seemed to choke the life out of you.

“I just wanted to talk to you. Is this not a good time?” 

You watched him walk to what seemed to be a private room where it was better to talk.

“No, no, it’s okay. I’m at Comic Con, just finished a signing.”

'Captain America: The First Avenger’ had just recently been released worldwide and it was already making headlines. He had already gotten so busy before you left that it had already been almost impossible for him to see you off if he didn’t insist on it with his agent. You had been watching him doing interviews and his fans had been growing. You were so proud of him.

“I’m sorry. I can call another time...” you started to say, but he immediately cut you off

“Tell me what’s wrong.” He insisted

You weighed whether to tell him the truth, about your doubts and fears, but instead you decided to wave a hand dismissively, “It’s just there’s a typhoon here and there’s lightning everywhere.”

His face grew concerned, “You got curtains, didn’t you? I told you that it should be the first thing you get, you know how lightning terrifies you. You live in a tropical country now, Y/N, and there will be plenty of typhoons and storms, I don’t want to think of you terrified and alone there.” 

He was so pure sometimes, and you wished you could just grab him through the screen to give him a hug.

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” You replied, now leaning on telling him other things that really bothered you, “How’s the con?”

“It’s great! I wish you were here. It’s been crazy.”

You smiled, about to respond when you hear a voice speak up behind the camera, “Babe? You ready?” 

You eyebrows furrowed as you tried to decipher who it was. You knew that Sebastian and Leighton broke up a few months ago and he hasn’t mentioned about getting back together again.

Sebastian looked awkwardly at who you assumed was the voice and cleared his throat, “Uhh yeah, I’m just talking to a friend. I’ll be out in a few.”

As much as you hated to feel dismissed, you couldn’t help it when Sebastian referred to you as a ‘friend’. 

“So, who’s that?” You asked curiously, keeping your tone friendly

“Uhh... you remember Jennifer right?”

Ah, Jennifer Morrison. Since he starred with her in Once Upon a Time, the praised about her was never-ending. She was a beautiful woman, leggy, blonde. Everything Sebastian liked. How could you have not seen it coming?

“Let me guess, you’re seeing each other now?” You chuckled, not quite sure if it came out more amused than what you’re actually feeling

“You know it just happened, Y/N. I was going to tell you when I called.” He explained sheepishly

You held your tongue, managing a fake smile, “Yeah of course, I understand. Well, I’m happy for you Seb. I know how difficult the break up with Leigh was for you. I’m glad you’re keeping busy with.... everything.” 

Suddenly, you felt silly for calling him, for missing him. He was obviously well-occupied.

Sensing your mood, Sebastian spoke up, “Hey, I miss you already.”

You hold back the tears that was on the verge, “I miss you too.”

Another voice calls out to him behind the camera, you recognize it as his agent.

Embarrassment takes you over, feeling that you were holding him up from his commitments, “I’ll let you go, maybe we can talk when you’re less busy.” 

“I’m never too busy for you. But yes, I’ll definitely call you when I get back to the hotel.” He assured

“Sure, Seb. Whenever you’re available.” You replied, the words leaving a bitter taste in your mouth

Wasn’t that what you were, the person who was always available for him? Your chest tightened at the thought.

You said your goodbyes, with him ending the call as you stared blankly at the home screen of your phone. Why did you even think he was lost as you? He was doing perfectly fine without you. How could you be so stupid?

You glanced outside and saw that the rain had temporarily died down. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you immediately got dressed and head out, not even thinking it through.

“Another round please.” You ordered to the bartender

He simply nodded, refilling your glass with whiskey and ice.

“Nice to see a woman hold her drink well.” A voice spoke up beside you

You turned to the man sitting beside you and was pleasantly welcomed by his bright blue eyes. 

You raised an eyebrow at him, “Girls don’t drink whiskey on the rocks around here?” 

“Not from what I’ve seen in the last few years I’ve been here.” He shrugged with a smile

You pursed your lips in response.

“Mark.” He reached out his hand

“Y/N.” 

“So where are you from?” 

“New York.” 

He seemed like a nice guy. Handsome too, but you weren’t really looking to chat when you decided to go out that night.

“Exciting city, what brings you to Manila?” He asked while settling himself in the chair beside you

Ignoring his question, you said, “I don’t remember saying you can sit here.”

He abruptly stood with his hands up, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I can go.”

For some reason, you felt guilty for snapping at him. It wasn’t his fault that Sebastian was too busy with Jennifer or that you were having regrets uprooting your life. You weren’t the kind of person to take it out your problems on other people.

You turned to him once more, “Uhm, wait. I should be the one saying sorry. Just a bad day that’s all.”

He only smiled but still not taking the seat once again, “No, I understand. I’ve had a lot of those myself. I can leave you alone.”

You bit your lip shyly, “Uh, it’s okay. Please sit.”

Your thoughts drift back to Sebastian and how had Jennifer now. He obviously didn’t need you. It didn’t even take long for him to jump from one relationship to another. It wouldn’t hurt for you to get busy with someone else either.

It turned out Mark was from Australia, and had been living in Manila for a few years. He worked for a real estate company that developed luxury condos in the metro. He was smart, charming and you found yourself enjoying his company far more than you expected.

By the end of the night, you had exchanged numbers before he kissed you goodbye and watched you get into your cab.

You watched the buildings that you passed by until arriving at your condo. As soon as you get inside your place, your phone rang, Sebastian’s face flashing across your screen. 

You stare at your phone once again, a deja vu of your earlier position, but this time an emptiness taking over you. Finally, you sighed in resignation before you thew your phone on your bed as you head to shower, ignoring Sebastian’s call deliberately for the first time in a while.

* * *

Sebastian’s hand was still on yours when someone walked in the villa that caught your attention. You take your hand from Sebastian’s as you ran up to the man that came into view. You hadn’t even thought twice before throwing yourself on him, wrapping your legs around his waist excitedly.

“Mark!” 

“Hey sweetheart.” He smiled brightly at you

“I didn’t know you were coming! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It was a surprise that took careful planning with Carmen and Jose.” He laughs, looking at Jose who only smiled back as he carried Mark’s things to his villa.

You mentally noted to thank Carmen, the manager, and Jose. It had a been a few months that you’ve seen him and to say that you were happy he was there was an understatement. 

Sebastian watched you throw yourself at the man that came in. The way he held you made his blood boil. Mark? He tried to remember when you mentioned him and from what he recalled was he was someone who helped you get started with your resort. He had no idea that you were much closer, apparently. 

His jaw ticked watching you laugh as Mark stroked your hair. He controlled the urge to peel you off and drag you back into the villa to show this guy who you belonged to. 

But you didn’t belong to him, and this made him angrier,

Sebastian watched you untangle yourself from his arms and pull Mark towards him. 

“Seb, this is Mark. I think I’ve told you about him before, he helped me get all of this started. Mark, this is Sebastian.” You introduce, a bright smile on your face

“Ah, the famous Sebastian. I’ve heard so much about you.” He says, reaching a hand to Seb

“Nice to meet you, man.” Sebastian manages a smile and shakes his hand

“Seb, I’ll just help Mark get settled in okay? I’ll be back, make yourself at home. Go for a swim or a tan.” You turn to Seb

Not even waiting for Seb to respond, you grab on Mark’s hand, heading out of the your villa and to his.

Sebastian is left watching you walk away, shaking his head in disbelief on how you just totally abandoned him for Mark. The irritation rising well within him at how this first day was already turning out.

You return to your villa about an hour later, high in spirits. You find Sebastian on the porch, sitting down on the swing sofa. You bound up to him taking a seat beside him.

“Hey stranger.” 

Sebastian gives you a somber smile back, “Hey to you too.”

You sense the shift in his mood from earlier, “Everything okay?”

He pauses to stare at you for a moment before answering, “I’m okay. It’s probably just the heat.” 

Not quite believing it but not wanting to push, you offer, “Do you want me to make you something cool to drink?”

“It’s fine. It’ll pass. Just stay here with me.” He assures

You nod carefully as silence overcomes the conversation for a few seconds.

Sebastian takes the first step to break the silence as he clears his throat before asking cautiously, “So, you and Mark seem close.”

“Well... he helped me with getting all of this—“ you circle your finger in the air, “—started so I think it makes sense we are.”

Sebastian wanted to make sure he approached the subject slowly. He was irritated but he did not want to start a fight on the first day of this vacation.

“I just always thought from your stories that he was a business partner...” 

“You want to know if we dated. Is that it?”

He admits gently, “Well yeah...”

You sigh as you leaned on the opposite corner of the swing, facing Sebastian.

It was your fault really for not telling him but then how could you when the reason you dated Mark in the first place was to distract yourself from the fact he was dating Jennifer Morrison at that time.

“We did for about a year. It started about a month or two when I got here.” You admit

Sebastian’s heart sank. His face scrunches up in confusion as to why you never brought it up, “A year is a long time for you to never mention it.”

You look away from him as you explained, “I don’t know. You were busy. ‘Captain America’ just got released, you were dating Jennifer, I was busy with the resort. I guess life got in the way.”

It wasn’t really an excuse but the truth wasn’t an option at this point.

Sebastian knew there was more but he held his tongue for now. He gears towards a different question, “Was it not serious then?”

You shrugged, “I was lonely you know? I think it was serious in some level... but we didn’t want the same things so we ended it. We’re just friends now.”

_ I wanted you. _

You bit your lip in anticipation of his next question. You knew Sebastian could tell that there were missing parts in your story.

You were surprised to hear him say, “Okay.”

You look at him confused, “Okay?”

He nodded. What could he do really? His jealousy had somehow turned into sadness, knowing that no matter how hard you two had tried that the physical distance did seep into a personal one as well. That you had other needed to confide and seek comfort in others in times he would have preferred to be the one to provide it.

Sebastian sighed in resignation, “Maybe it’s different now. Maybe us living in separate parts of the world would mean there are parts of our lives we’ll fail to tell each other. Maybe...”

He looks straight at you this time, “...there are things you don’t trust me enough with anymore—“

“No—“

“—but know that I’m still the same. And I’m still here for you. And when you’re ready to tell me whatever it is you want to tell me, I’m here.”

He then slides to the middle of the swing, gathers you up in his arms and between his legs, before kissing your temple, “I’m here.”

You nod, “I know.”

And you really do, you just don’t know if the way he’s there for you is enough anymore. 

Maybe it never was.

_ "I’m scared to death that she might be it _

_ That the love is real, that the shoe might fit _

_ She might just be my everything and beyond" _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAS IT BEEN A YEAR SINCE I UPDATED THIS?! Woah. I don't know who's still out there reading this but if you are, then thank you! I've been kind of stuck on this chapter because I feel it's so uneventful but I sucked it up and posted so I can move on the next one which should more exciting. Anyway, thank you all for reading this story. <3


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